This topic contains 1 reply, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 2 weeks ago.

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  • #104075
     Flowergirl 
    Participant

    Hi, I have been divorced from my Ex for a number of years. we have (detail removed by moderator) children but (detail removed by moderator) is still at school. I have her and my other daughter living with me during lockdown. Ex stopped his once a fortnight access visits several weeks before lock down and hasnt had any real input day to day in the lives of his children since he left. In the last couple of weeks he has started having skype calls with our daughters. I accidentially walked into one in my kitchen notbeing aware it was going on. I exited as soon as I realised. I asked that I have warning in future and the girls have done this. But the frequency is increasing with (detail removed by moderator) in (detail removed by moderator) days this week. I have to shut my self away and put on a radio/TV so I cant hear his voice. His girlfriend is also involved in these calls, she got involved with him whilst we were still married and continued even when it became apparent she wasnt the only one. It feels like they are getting into my house uninvited and it is causing me alot of anxiety. My ex was emotionally, financially and sexually controlling. I had alot of support through a local domestic abuse charity after he left. I finally had proof of him cheating after years of gaslighting and threw him out.he imeadiatly moved on to the accomodating woman. If it wasnt for the effect it would have on our children I would have taken him to court for sexual assault. I know my girls have the right to have contact with their father but it is horrible to have him enter my home uninvited even virtually. I am having flash backs to what happened before and feel anxiety that because I had to protect and provide stability for my children I havent be able to move on from the abuse.

  • #104082
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Hi I know how dreadful it must be for him to still be violating your space. Have you ever had counselling or spoken to a domestic abuse advocate about how contact with this kind of man is detrimental to their health. It didn’t stop me from reporting my sons father. He’s a sexual abuser, a cheat and all the rest. That’s the character of the man. And if he wasn’t their biological father you wouldn’t allow your children anywhere near a man like that. So don’t think you’re protecting them by hiding the truth. Not knowing when you’re going to hear is voice will cause even more anxiety and no doubt after lockdown he won’t be in contact as much. If you’re feeling anxious could you switch off the modem for the internet to give yourself a couple hours of peace. Also, tell them to do this call in their own room so you don’t have to hear anything. Reporting my ex empowered me. It helped with my healing and taking back control. You owe him nothing and no doubt his new gf has been gaslighted too x

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