Anxiety symptoms

[Lightning-Jet]

Today it has to be said was not the best day. Exceptionally busy day at work, felt close to having an anxiety attack when I left work and was on edge all the way home.
I have had constant messages all day, nothing nasty but chipping away, little messages such as “are you sure you want me ” (detail removed by moderator). 
I’m assuming this is a tactic to get at me. I sit here, looking back on things, realising I’m on medication for it now, when I had a bit of an anxiety wobble before, I would call him for someone to talk to, to get me through it. In actual fact he is the cause of my anxiety, but was this his game? To make me get to the point where I couldn’t cope without him? So he could control me all the more? It’s a scary thought.
So on my way home today, I truly felt horrible. Worried about passing out, worried about all sorts which was completely unnecessary but so hard to switch off when you worry about feeling those symptoms.

But, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, I know what I need to do deep down, but I have no idea how to achieve it.

Breaking up with someone like that can cause all sorts of issues & make things a million times worse, it’s so hard knowing where to even start! Xx

[Falling Skys]

Hi and hugs

I know just how you feel.

Because of all the mind games leaving is so hard, but staying is so much worse.

Mine would text, ring, watch me, come in to my work place, it was awful and colleagues thought he was being kind.

You need to decide what you want, mine emotional blackmail me into staying, and I hope that he would change.

Good luck.

FS

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi Falling Skys,

The mind games are terrible, purposely trying to confuse all the time. Manipulating to get their own way. It is no wonder people feel anxious and exhausted. Its a constant drain.

Wow, he used to go in to your work place as well? Mine hasn’t done that, but the constant messages and being watched like a hawk when we are together really gets me down.

He tries to show to others that he is this amazing person and he is quite well liked in his social circles. But the reality of being in a relationship with him is so very different. But then that’s what they do isn’t it. To help them make out it is us that are the issue.

Thank you, good luck to you too

L-J x

[EeyoreNoMore]

They love making us anxious don’t they, it’s just another thing that makes them superior to us. They perceive themselves not as weak as us.

It’s great that you realise he’s the source of your anxiety. I guess you are still together? Can you speak to Women’s Aid and they can help you formulate an exit plan?

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi EeyoreNoMore,

Oh yes they absolutely do, absolutely anything they can do to try to have a hold over us.

Yeah, it all makes sense when I look back. Doing my research, talking to the helpline and being on here – makes me realise just how much has happened. All the little things gradually getting worse over time.

At the moment yes as I want to be as prepared as possible for the eruption that will happen.

Yes they have given me contact numbers for local help so I’m hoping I can get things moving soon.

Thank you
L-J x

[lover of no contact]

Hi lightening-jet,

Leaving is a process. You have taken the first few steps in that process by posting on here and ringing the help-line. Lots of us on here didn’t know how the hell we would manage to extricate ourselves from our abusive relationship. But we did. It may not happen overnight. Things that helped me were to keep posting and reading the other ladies’ posts. My thinking and beliefs had to change which I only managed to do by listening to other perspectives. For example, being an empathetic person I believed in love and forgiveness. Well I had to learn not to keep forgiving my abuser and his abusive behaviour as this kept ‘the cycle of abuse’ going.

Another belief of mine was that my marriage was for life, for better for worse. I had to let go of these beliefs and internalize the truth that God did not want me to be abused.

I also didn’t realize that my abuser was a charlatan and a liar. I thought he operated like I did. He made out he was trustworthy and honest. Reading the posts helped me progress from denial to reality and the truth of my situation.

Gradually with the knowledge (knowledge is Power) my thinking became clearer and my confusion less. My fear of my abuser also diminished as I saw what he was in reality, the same as all the other abusers that are mentioned in our posts, cowardly men who pick on physically weaker women and children to get their kicks.

Keep posting and reading posts, that definitely accelerated my process of leaving.

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi Lover of no contact,

Yes I have a feeling it is going to be a lengthy process and I want to try to prepare as much as I can beforehand. I know it will be a messy thing, the situation will erupt there is no doubt about that. There will a lot more mind games going on as well I am sure.

I find it very hard to make decisions – upon research I believe this is part of the game plan, so that decisions are left to them.

I am exactly the same as you, a lover and forgiver. I have lost count of the amount of times I forgiven his actions on the promise it wouldn’t happen again.

I felt the same about marriage too – something which he keeps on saying to me. Another way no doubt of him trying to make me conform to what he wants.

Oh yes the trust and honesty issues. Something which was drilled into me right from the start but little did I know the actual reasoning behind it all. Trying to make me believe that he is always open and honest is just a cover up for the actual type of person he truly is.

I do believe that the more I research and the more support I get on here, the better it will make things for me. I am already standing up to him more and not allowing myself to be walked on. I am definitely being braver with him but still very mindful to be careful what I say.

I definitely will, thank you!

L-J x

[Freetobethegreatest]

Yes its funny when you look at and see when you were anxious you turned to them even though they were the ones that caused it. I had this with my partner. I was anxious but it was all caused by him. Even though im still with him sadly, i would never ever turn to him if/when i feel anxious now as i would never turn to him for help. I cant stand him as far as im concerned were not together and i cant wait til im free of him

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi Freetobethegreatest,

I honestly didn’t see it for a long time. But chipping away more and more over time and seeing how much my life has changed, makes me realise that he is the absolute root cause.

You will get there, the help and support is there. We all deserve so much better than this.

Wishing you all the best
L-J x

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