3rd January 2016 at 10:54 pm #7100
Separated from the father of my little one a long time ago. Went through the non contact and non molestation orders and he did a course. I thought he had changed and so I allowed him to come to the house to collect the little one for contact every week.
He had a new partner and it all seemed OK. Back a few months ago he split with the new partner and started asking me out again. Long story short I almost fell for the c**p and spent a bit of time with him. Quickly discovered he was still a very angry man and still very controlling so I pulled away from him again.
Over the past few months I have been becoming increasingly concerned about his care for the little one. He was intermittent with his contact, often brought him home early and little one came home very grumpy most of the time. He is too young to speak. One day his dad brought him home, he wasn’t himself at all. He was very still and just stared into space, wouldn’t talk or acknowledge anyone. He had several scratches on his face. I asked his dad where he had been and he said he had been to a soft play area all day.
I started to feel uneasy about his standard of care for our child.
The ex then started another new relationship with a new partner. He expected me to leave the little one with this woman that he hadn’t been seeing for long who I did not know. I refused!
Xmas day he had our little one. Was supposed to be for a few hours in the morning. Ex turned up at my door early to return little one. He was very angry and he shouted at me on my doorstep. Told me our little one had been miserable as sin the whole hour and said he was ashamed as he behaved as though he didn’t know the exes family. The ex blamed me and said its because he doesn’t see little one enough. He said in an aggressive manner ‘next year I will be having him Xmas eve’. The ex has never had little one overnight as I don’t trust him.
Ex then picked little one up out of car and carried him away from his chest under the arms as if he was carrying a smelly bag of rubbish and thrust little one into my arms. He never said good bye to little one and then walked off back to his car and drove away.
New Year’s Eve ex messages me asking me to take little one to his new address which is the new gf house.
I was still feeling uneasy about what happened Christmas Day.
New Year’s Day I contacted exes ex gf who he was seeing after me. I asked her what ex was like with our little one and if he had ever been violent or aggressive. She replied saying he was very violent and aggressive and she sent me pictures of bruises she sustained from a violent attack with him. I asked her why she hadn’t gone to the police and she said she was worried about ss getting involved with her children.
She also told me she had witnessed the ex being violent towards his daughter and she had to intervene to protect her.
I made excuses to the ex that little one was poorly and didn’t take him to his house.
I am now stopping contact as I don’t feel my little one is safe.
I’m feeling very scared as ex will b**w up when I tell him I am stopping contact. I have spoken to the police and they have advised me not to get involved with what happened to his ex gf but she doesn’t want to make a statement against him. I am at a loss!
Feel so scared for my little one. Don’t know what I should do for the best.
Any one else been through a similar situation?
7th January 2016 at 10:09 pm #7258SerenityParticipant
I have been in the situation of fearing my ex’s treatment of my kids. It was more overt when he lived here- now it is subtle, mental andemotiinal abuse, but very damaging.
I am worried when you say your child isn’t old e Pugh to vocalise his experience. If your ex is being abusive, these things could mat your child forever.
Your ex sounds like mine- unstable, changeable, temperamental, controlling, narcissistic ( everything is to serve his ends and he is super sensitive about his public image).
How can he blame a child so young for how is is with his family? No doubt the child feels uncomfortable there.
My ex denied to the court that his father hit my child aged X around the ear.
You ha e done right to stop contact. If your ex wants co ta t, he will have to go for a court order, and you can give evidence of all these things.
Hopefully, your ex’s previous girlfriend will give evidence, but you can do it without her.
Don’t fall for his fear or self-pity tactics. They are designed to stop you from going to the authorities to express your concerns.
A tip: when dealing with those in power, make sure you always speak of the child’s needs. As long as you show your son is your priority, you will be ok.
7th January 2016 at 10:57 pm #7267Winterblues2Participant
My kids are currently having all but 50/50 contact with their father. Every professional agency that has got involved have positively identified that he is emotionally abusing them and will continue to do so. This has been going on since we split early last year and is likely to carry on through court for a good part of this year before things change with his contact.
My mistake was to allow him a decent amount of contact that he had to agree to, but now we are stuck in the court system they have frozen this because nobody seems keen to make a decision despite the evidence against.
From my experience, I would suggest withdrawing contact and letting him fight for contact as suggested above, that way they will be safe with you throughout the process, not in danger of him harming them.
7th January 2016 at 10:58 pm #7268Winterblues2Participant
*I mean Hi TinyDancer
11th January 2016 at 10:29 pm #7550
Thanks Winterblues and Serenity for your replies.
I have stopped contact and he is now aware. His response was a text message telling me to keep him as he is done with me and done with fighting for children.
I would love to believe that this will be the end to it but as I’ve already had a missed call from him I know it’s not.
I won’t go back on my decision now, I know I have done what’s best for my son and like you said serenity I’m sure the court will see that for the,selves even without the evidence from his latest victim.
It’s going to be a long battle and the thought petrifies me but I will do this for my sons safety and hi emotional well being.
And your right he is unstable, narcissistic and controlling and his life is all about him and how he looks to others. The only reason he will fight for his child is to make him look good and for the control he thinks he will get.
Thanks again for your responses it’s so good to talk to people who understand how hard it is. Xx
11th January 2016 at 10:32 pm #7551
Did your ex get contact when it went to court serenity? Did the court believe his lies?
12th January 2016 at 8:27 pm #7625SerenityParticipant
Hi Tiny Dancer,
The result was mixed.
I didn’t get to remember it before a judge, just magistrates. If I choose to go back, it will be before a judge.
My ex went all out to try to ruin me and make out I was a rubbish mum.
I think this is simply because he was angry how much I loved the kids!
Well, that side didn’t work. The court agreed I was a loving mum.
However, regarding contact, thank God my eldest gets to choose.
My youngest: I think they hd out judgement on my ex. I think they listened to my fears, but needed more evidence.
Useless Cafcass were hoodwinked by my ex.
So my youngest has days he needs to go to see him. X
12th January 2016 at 8:53 pm #7626KIP.Participant
Hi Tinydancer, just wanted to remind you to keep all his texts etc for evidence. In my experience, these men can’t help it. He will text again or email. It’s great evidence. Let him dig a big hole for himself but don’t contact him❤️ Stay strong. Perhaps as time goes on his ex may change her mind.
12th January 2016 at 10:11 pm #7649
Thank you xx
I am keeping all texts.xx
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