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Hi
So I have 2 children from previous relationships but a baby from my now ex who is a covert n********t. Even though I’ve not denied access, I’ve said it is to be with me present. It always ends up in an argument or he turns up late or not at all. Long story short, now that I’m not paying him the attention he seeks but being amcoous and calling or texting over our baby and wanting him to stop his behaviour for the baby. He has now got in contact with mediation and threatened me with court. I know he is only doing this to make me worry and hurt me. He knows my biggest fear is losing my baby. He is more interested in his social life and I’m the the opposite to this and live for my children. He is going to make out I’m violent or harassed him. Every emotional moment I ever had was due to his mind games and manipulation. I’m so worried that he will try for custody -
Hi. Do you have support. Women’s Aid are great, you could contact your local centre or ring the helpline. Meantime keep a journal of his behaviour. Of the times access was agreed and when he didn’t turn up. Of the abuse you suffered. You can ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. Most solicitors offer free legal advice on the first visit. Keep all evidence you have of his behaviour. He’s using your child to continue access to you to continue his abuse. These men thrive off the feelings of control that gives them. Absolutely zero contact is the only way forward. Do you have a friend or family member that can act as a go between for access. Maybe a family member. He could see his child supervised by a relative. You do not have to see him. Nor do you have to attend mediation with him where abuse has happened. Speak to your GP and tell them what’s going on. Get it noted in your records. Tell her how it’s affecting you mentally. You know him well and recognise what he is doing so each time you have contact and he upsets you, he can twist this to his own ends. Maybe even record you so stick to zero contact. If you can get legal aid then let a solicitor deal with him. If he cannot get access to you through the baby I think he will simply lose interest. You can text him to only contact you though this third part or a solicitor and any further direct contact will be viewed as harassment and reported to the police. He’s a bully, you’re right. But he knows your weakness. My ex told me he would take my child from me if I ever tried to leave him. It kept me with him for decades. Don’t give in to the bully or you will be stuck with him for years. Stand your ground now with the help of women’s aid x
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You can also oppose his legal aid get your MP to back you why should money come out of the public purse to fund men with poor intensions xx
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These men tent to trip themselves up when they self represent xx trust me, use the fact they live in a n**********c blur the courts will see that xx
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He will play dirty;but there’s more than two ways to skin a cat. If he likes to socialise that involves money so does court you could lay it on and goto the CMO. These men don’t want to pay for their kids. The more money he is forced to pay out the less money he has to take you to court xx
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Call his bluff, let him take you to court. The ladies on here have been through that very scenario, listen to them. Find the energy to protect your baby and other children, cos they will be picking up the tension too. You are the primary carer, that is a fact. The authorities are only interested in the facts, not the emotions of a case in front of them. Have you been to your doctor telling them of your worries and fears. The more you open up to people in authority, the more you are building a case against him.
As to contact just now, is it possible to have a third party involved, with you being present, he can still control you, not turning up, being late. How are you supposed to organise your day with him doing that. Babies pick up on emotions too. Cry more, go off their food.
Keep posting, keep reading, you’ll get there sweetheart.
IWMB 💕💕 -
Also, when you see the doctor make sure you tell then your strong,it’s the direct contact with hiM that gives you the anxiety,your fearful for yourself, f and your kids. I’d get that down clearly on paper xx
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Thank you everyone. I appreciate your support. I have t4ied everything to avoid court, purely out of fear as he would have recorded past arguments and admittedly I had got nasty back at him. His mind games and behaviour made me snap. If I ever told him I was unhappy about something, his behaviour would be to leave and then when I was upset he would display this to his family and he would stay calm. When our baby was days old he fell asleep with her in a chair and I suffered bad anxiety as it was due to losing babies previous and when I got upset he would try and then it back on me. He wanted me to choose his feelings of critism above the safety of our baby. I never once went mad at him for anything minor. He repeatly swore on our babies life about certain things and when caught lying, I would be furious with him. I’m hoping that court will see my reactions were due to his actions as its not my nature at all and all I wanted was normality. He made my head soon with lies etc. I found out that his marriage ended due to his actions and not what he had said that she left on an affair. (Detail removed by moderator). I am so scared of the courts not seeing him for what he is and he is very charming to people. I feel like if I don’t bend to his demands then he may somehow get custody or even joint and I can’t stand the thought of our daughter being subjected to his manipulative ways. His family are also all against me. (Removed by moderator)
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Your more than entitled to defend yourself. You haven’t done anything wrong here. His family sound emotionally abusive, it can be horrific. Write it all down, if you can get witness accounts of his actions all the better. He will bring hear say to the court table if you have real evidence they won’t take hear say into account and him using family doesn’t hold any water xx
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His family are awful. I suffered terrible (detail removed by moderator) through my pregnant and they made comments like “she’s pregnant, not dying” even though my pregnancies are high risk. His (detail removed by moderator) will sulk and ignore him for weeks if he doesn’t do as they want. Within an hour of having my c sections I had (detail removed by moderator) of his relatives arpat the hospital at once and I was so exhausted and in pain. (Detail removed by moderator) and I spent the night sat on the window seal. Within days of the operation, his family moaned that I wouldn’t leave the house to visit them, even though it was my(detail removed by moderator) c section and the surgeon had made it clear that it was not possible to operate on me again due to how drastic it was from previous operations (detail removed by moderator). When we were first together I told him how getting pregnant could be fatal to me (detail removed by moderator). He told me he was unable to have children and then later on confessed he made this up. He wanted to carry o his social life and activities despite me being unwell throughout and even when I’d first had our baby. He said that I co trolled him because I didn’t see how his social life is priority over my health. When he knew I wanted to leave he said he wanted the same life as me and to be a family man. All the time telling his family the opposite so that I looked controlling. I had my own business for years and had built it up to have a good income. He convinced me to give it up just before I had our baby as he wanted to feel like the provider and now has left me to be on benefits xx
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It sounds like you’ve had a really lucky escape. Try to get lots of support around you,you sound really strong,I gave no doubt in my mind you’ll get through this ❤keep going get all the evidence you can together and get the professionals to he you. Health visitor can do a vulnerable person reports xx 💕 that’s no on you that’s him that has put you in this position xx
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