Anxious

[Ayanna]

Just now someone knocked on my door to deliver a pizza. I did not order any pizza and it is a company I would never want to eat pizza from.
He went completely wrong and I cannot believe he got it that wrong. My place is not so easy to find.
It took me a while to open the door and look at the guy. I was so scared that it could be an acid attack or he just tried to find out who lives here.

[Peaceful Pig]

Hi Ayanna, I had a similar experience recently. Like you my home isn’t easy to find so it’s unusual for someone to turn up accidentally. I was surprised how much it affected me still but it made me really anxious and jumpy. The next day was warm and sunny and I pushed my myself to have the door open and enjoy the fresh air and warmth, because logically I know I am safe now. I must believe there’s a chance of something happening to react the way I did and maybe there’s some truth in that, but I’m sick of living in fear, it’s too exhausting. I am choosing not to live in a prison anymore. The fear is so ingrained I know but I hope your anxiety subsides soon. Give yourself lots of love and reassurance xx

[Alicenotichains]

Good morning ladies,

The fear is ingrained you are right PP. If my phone rings I my heart starts to race, a delivery driver walked past my window last week and for a split second I thought it was him and I jumped out of my skin.
Hopefully the pizza delivery was just a mistake Ayanna- your guard is clearly up which is good as it will keep you safe. It’s the not knowing which is hard. I read somewhere that it’s similar to being in water and being circled by a sharks fin, when the fin disappears under the water and you can no longer see it- it doesn’t mean that you feel any safer, in fact you feel more at risk because you don’t know where the shark is or what it’s going to do.

I think because it’s the bank holiday weekend I feel a bit more vulnerable because I am at home.
Sending you positive thoughts Ayanna. You are doing so well X

[older lady]

Hello, Ayanna. I just want to send you some support. It’s horrifying that you are vulnerable to acid attack. I know you don’t want your home to become your prison, but you don’t need to answer the door unless you’re expecting the caller. I don’t see it as giving into fear, although I completely get where Peaceful Pig is coming from on this, and long term the way you want to go. Even though the caller probably really is a pizza delivery guy, maybe new on the job and doesn’t know the area, you don’t need to take the risk. I don’t think I would. Ayanna, are you familiar with Maryam Namazie? xx

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