Any advice would be grateful

[Twitcher]

Hi ladies,

I’m fairly new on here and have reached out for support before . I’m currently divorcing my husband but still living together and I know I will need to find somewhere else to live. With everything that’s going on I’m unsure what I’ll get in the settlement but how do I look for another property in the meantime. Do I contact an estate agent and ask them to start looking for me, I’m scared that if I dont start looking now I will end up homeless. If any of you strong ladies have been in a similar situation I’d appreciate your help x*x

[Twisted Sister]

HI Twitcher

Will the ‘settlement’ mean that the house is sold and you both get equal share in any equity? If so, the the house conveyancing would need to be aligned to your respective purchases/moves, so that exchange and completion happen when you can both move to something else, this is routinely done to avoid a situation where the sale of your property would leave you homeless. This is why it often takes so long to get a chain of sales and purchases up and running, as each respective seller is also then looking for their onward move, so everyone in the chain has to cooincide exchange and completion dates.

If you are renting, this would still need to be the case, so you have time to find and secure a rental place to go to.

Many estate agents will want to know that your property is probably under offer before they will take any viewings, and offers you may make, seriously. It won’t do any harm though to start looking and let them know your situation, that the sale isn’t secured yet, but your property could at least go on the market to show the agents that you are serious in your plan to sell, or have to sell.

Good luck with all your efforts, and take time to look after yourself at this stressful time.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twitcher]

Hi Twisted Sister,

Thanks so much for your reply it has been really helpful, (detail removed by moderator) I’m so desperate to get away and maybe this is what’s making me impatient. I just hope it doesn’t drag on forever and I lose my nerve, my husband is trying his hardest to get round me at the moment, he’s in his nice phase. Sending you lots of hope and thanks x*x

[Put the kettle on]

If you have kids and are resident parent he gets less of a share as you need to provide a home for the kids

[Twitcher]

Hi Put the kettle on,

Unfortunately I couldn’t have children, wanted to try for adoption but he wouldn’t even let us do that, all I got was I’m not going to bring someone else’s brat up. I so wish I could turn the clock back,im now the wrong side of 50 and have so many regrets x*x

[Footballfan1]

It doesn’t matter who earned the most money, if both your names are on the mortgage, it should be 50/50 split.
The only difference is something I can’t remember the name of, where at the beginning of the mortgage, it gets penned down a different percentage of split.
Those cases are normally business partners who put in different amounts of deposit, it’s unusual for couples in a relationship to go down that route.
When you get legal advice, they should advise you.
In the meantime, don’t let him pressure you into any legal commitments.
He may well be trying to pull one over on you xx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,

You’re right about feeling pressure off him, he gets really threatening where money is concerned. I’m trying to stay as strong as I can and not let him scare me into agreeing to what he wants. Thanks for all your help and advice it really means a lot. x*x

[Bambe]

I know it’s not huge advise but if your in Facebook have a listen through- The Legal Queen

She does great videos and shares so much information on people in all different situation. I think she’d be able to help you with some questions you may have. I’m going through divorce too and she’s answered a lot of my questions just by scrolling through and having a listen.

Hope this helps xxxx

[Twitcher]

Hi Bambe,

Thank you for your reply, any advice has been so welcome and I will definitely look on Facebook for The Legal Queen, I feel so out of my depth with it all as I know you do too, divorce is very upsetting and scary even when you haven’t got an abusive partner. The ladies on this forum really are amazing and so supportive, it means so much to have people to turn to. Stay strong lovely x*x

[Bambe]

You too honey. We will get there! We’re on the right path. Hope you find the info you need xxxx

[Footballfan1]

He will pressure you into make decisions you are not clued up on.
Do not do anything without guidance from a solicitor.
You have more rights than he would like you to know.

The house equity should be 50/50 split.
He will likely spout off nonsense about him putting in more etc, but if you get the mortgage jointly, it doesn’t matter who put in more.

(detail removed by Moderator)
Take your time, do not sign anything he produces xx

[Twitcher]

Hi Footballfan1,

Thanks again for your help, he says I’m heading for financial ruin and will have to go to the “Social” with my begging bowl to get benefits. He even wants me to give him money for the (detail removed by Moderator) but it’s so old it’s not worth anything. I’m terrified I’ll end up sleeping in my car. I’m hoping to speak to my solicitor next week and she’s more positive. Having your help has been such a comfort as I’m sure you’re situation is as terribly hard as mine. Take care lovely x*x

[Twix]

Hey Twitcher have you been in contact with your local DV organisation? They can help with finding accommodation to make sure you don’t end up homeless in between selling & getting a new place. Don’t forget to ask your Solicitor as well about making a financial claim against his pension (if he has one) these are vastly overlooked because people want a quick settlement & don’t realise they have a right to claim against it, but it’s worth pursuing for your own financial security. You may also be able to get spousal maintenance, but again ask your solicitor about this to help base your decision on. Best of luck xx

[Twitcher]

Hi Twix,
Thanks so much for your reply, my GP put me in touch with Refuge because something he did was really disturbing to her, I don’t know why I down played it to them as they offered me a way out. I know they’d be there if I need them. He took his pension early and spent it on one of many addictions he has. I will definitely mention the spousal maintenance as he keeps calling me by my maiden name now as he says I’ll no longer be his problem. Thanks for your advice lovely, you mentioned 2 things that i wasn’t even aware of x*x

[Footballfan1]

Hi Twitcher,

Do not believe what he says.
You will not end up with a begging bowl.
You have more rights than you realise.
Ride it out until your legal appointment.
Tell them everything that has happened xx

[Twitcher]

Thanks again Footballfan1, I need to stop covering for him (why do I do that) I think I’m just so scared of his reaction if I told them everything he’d done x*x

[Marmalade]

Hi Twitcher,
You need to see a solicitor who will explain your rights and entitlements. When you make an appointment take along a schedule of all the finances (all yours and what you know about his) as that will give the solicitor a better idea of the overall financial situation. Include your income, outgoings, savings, debts, any assets which are worth over a few thousand, pension details etc
In the financial proceedings you and your husband will have to disclose all your finances. If you can come to an agreement, once you both know the full financial situation that is great. If not it has to go to court for a judge to decide. That will end up very expensive in terms of costs so its always better to sort it out amicably. But before you do that make sure you have advice from your solicitor. Do not be pressured into signing or agreeing anything without getting legal advice first.
As far as the orders/agreement go, that will be particular to your case. There are general principles but they are adapted to individual circumstances so nobody on this forum can tell you what you are likely to get. If you have been married some time then the starting point is 50/50 of matrimonial assets including the equity in the house. This is a starting point though and is no guarantee.
Take all your financial information to your solicitor, get advice and then decide on your plan of action. Good luck.

[Twitcher]

Hi Marmalade,

I’m using a solicitor that Refuge passed my details onto but I still don’t want the abuse mentioned. I know she is going through my finances next week and has requested the same from his solicitor, I’m dreading this as I already know he’s lying about loads of things and because we’re still living together I’m afraid to say he’s lying. Thanks for your help, it means so much x*x

[Author]

Posts