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We all post things on here and someone always says mine does that and mine….. they seem to have certain traits…. mine shouts and intimidates me and if I dare to argue moan or complain about something he shouts to intimidate me and shut me up…if that doesn’t work they the violence comes out…. the violence tailed off mostly as the kids are old enough to see it and speak up / be witness to it… but the verbal abuse, the intimidation is still there…. he leave thing lying around boots helmets out door equipment in middle of front room… but that’s ok…. child leaves toys out and I’m a lazy b***h for not tidying up… he has days off… I’ve worked everyday but I’m the one who’s disgusting and lazy… living in a pig sty… so it’s late he’s still ranting and comes running up stairs and tips food waste bin and contents all overbed…. so he sleeps downstairs it started off as punishment to me… refusing to sleep with me.. but I preface it… it backfired… and way he has always done this refused to sleep with me… but then he has tipped water over bed and blankets soaking mattress…. dirty water from mop bucket… tipped me out of the bed when I’ve been lying in it… just wondered if anyone else has experienced anything remotely similar to this…
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Hey there, Ive had terrifying lengthy outbursts because I bought the wrong kind of milk, or another time I broke a fridge magnet. What you have to realise is that it doesnt matter what he says, or you think causes this type of behaviour, its just another excuse for him to abuse you. The goal posts always change. If he didnt use the excuse of the kids toys, he would just make something else up to enable and blame his abuse on. Abuse always gets worse and your children witnessing verbal, emaotionl and mental abuse is just as damaging, in my opinion as physical, just not as obvious.
Please get in touch with womens aid who can explain domestic abuse and the safest way to get out of this terrifying situation x
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I feel as though I’m frozen now.. last night he eventually calmed Down and stayed away… he’s got up and gone out this am…. I feel as though I Carnt move… yeah I don’t kno were he’s gone or when he will be back…. but I just want to go somewere and curl up I dont want to take the kids because that would mean sorting things out for them things somewere to go and I Carnt so I won’t go… so I just want to run on my own
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How awful that he tipped dirty water all over the bed, these men really are dispicable creatures. Have you rung the helpline and your local domestic abuse support team? If not then please do.
He sounds extremely abusive and to live like that is so damaging to your mind, body, heart and soul. If you ring the helpline they will help you put a leaving plan together. I wouldn’t leave without the children as the abuser could make it hard for you to collect them later. If you put a plan in place (and don’t tell him) then you can leave safely with the children and have a better situation set up ready to go to. You don’t have to put up with this treatement, keep strong and get the support you need and keep posting on here. xx
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Yes I experienced aggression because the high chair took up too much space as did the bottle steriliser. If I bought the wrong type of jam, if I put things in the wrong place in the dishwasher. All these rules, that he made and changed at will. Just excuses for abuse.
I now have no contact and life is so much more peaceful. Your life too could be totally different, you are just a few decisions away from freedom. X -
Can you speak to a solicitor. Most offer free legal advice initially. You may be able to have him removed from the home using a court order. Women’s aid may be able to offer you and your children a safe place in a refuge. Ring the helpline number on here. I remember that frozen feeling but you can find the courage to get help x
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hello Ssss, it really is aweful how he is treating you without any respect, and demands so much from you by enforced humiliation and violence. I know it is so daunting planning to leave with the children and sorting everything out , perhaps it will be easier at the start of the summer holidays eh? Six weeks to all get away and for you to have a rest from the everyday worries about what mood he is going to be in and the backlash.time to think clearly for yourself without having his influence because that’s what Constant abuse or the waiting expecting the next outburst does, stops us having time to think and feel about us, and you really deserve much better than him Ssss, you know he’s not going to change, you’ve already given him loads of chances.
Be safe, Ssss
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Hey Ssss,
Sorry you’re going through this. It’s like sustained torture! I totally get the apprehension to leave. Took me years, lots of calls to the police, but finally the help of the local domestic violence unit made me brave enough to leave. I remember even when I left I thought it was temporary and hoped that he’d changed. But they’ll never change. There’s the freedom programme which you can do online. It’s incredibly helpful. It’s a shock when you you see the behaviour of your partner described in black and white. I found it helpful because you realise that yes, he genuinely is an unpleasant piece of work.
I think everyone’s experiences are slightly different however that constant fear, always being in flight mode, always having an ear open for him stomping around the house, stepping on eggshells are all too common.
He tipped me out of bed too when I was pregnant, because he wanted to sleep on my side of the bed. He threw my clothes out of the hotel window when we were abroad on holiday. He took my passport from me when we were on another holiday. To name a few. But aside from the violent episodes, one of the worst ones were when he made me stay in a room which was crawling with insects. Just to mess with my head. I was shaking in fear, but listened to him, and didn’t leave the room just so he didn’t kick off. I was terrified. Awful awful mind games.
My girl and I fled last year. The peace, even though you’re going mad with stress and upset is wonderful. You can breathe again.
Good luck, you will know when the right time to leave is. But get support. There are some amazing people out there who will help x*x
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