20th March 2016 at 5:39 pm #11947
Just wanna know how many single mums there are on the site! Been on my own now since I left! Fell for a guy, who is the complete opposite of my ex, which is surprising, cause I struggle to trust men after everything. He told me he likes me but he just wants to be friends. Any other mums experience this? Anyone else feel like they’re not good enough for anyone? Hate feeling like this, having to try and let him go. But it’s not that easy when he wants to hang out. Don’t wanna lose him, but at the same time, don’t think I can be around him without it hurting. Anyone else having this problem? Some advice would be seriously appreciated!!
20th March 2016 at 8:55 pm #11977lover of no contactParticipant
I find it very hard to let go of a guy whom I have fallen for but who has a red flag in one form of another. You are right just hanging out with him will just cause you pain. And longing and disappointment. You will get your thrill of him when you see him but because he won’t be planning and taking you out on dates (which is the least you deserve), it will be like getting a crumb (hanging out) instead of the slice of cake (a date).
To hang out with you requires no effort from him. To date you requires effort on his part. You deserve effort made on your behalf. He needs to work a little to gain your company. Just hanging out doesn’t require him to work at forming a relationship with you.
But its sooo hard to let go of a guy we’re attracted to and have developed feelings for. But I’m afraid the old reliable strategy of ‘no contact’ is the only way. Necessary for abusers and guys not willing to put forth effort to see us and be in our company.
A website that helps me a lot with this situation is: ‘Let men chase you and sleep like a princess’. In it they say no to hanging out with a guy you’re interested in.
Any other thoughts ladies, like this thread.
21st March 2016 at 2:18 pm #12006
Thank Lover of No Contact!! So far, I haven’t spoken to him for (detail removed by moderator), keep finding myself thinking of him now and again when something reminds me of him!! And with everything that’s going on in my head anyway, it’s not helping the situation… But the no Contact strategy is helping a big deal! Thank you for your advice and support 🙂 much appreciated x*x
21st March 2016 at 2:45 pm #12009
Thank Lover of No Contact!! So far, I haven’t spoken to him for (detail removed by moderator) weeks, keep finding myself thinking of him now and again when something reminds me of him!! And with everything that’s going on in my head anyway, it’s not helping the situation… But the no Contact strategy is helping a big deal! Thank you for your advice and support 🙂 much appreciated x*x
22nd March 2016 at 9:05 am #12058SuntreeParticipant
I had to learn again how to talk to guys, how to date, how not to allow myself to fall too quickly and how to keep things real. You know it is so easy to have the fantasy in your head and not see the reality or not even enjoy what you have right now.
I looked at it as though I was learning from scratch all over again and that it would take years.
I had lots of dates. Some I swear were married, or with a partner. Others where just selfish, some where really lovely and honest, one was great but I wasn’t ready, not really.
But with each one I slowly started working out how to look after me, enjoy the date and be okay on my own. To kick those who weren’t right into touch and to stop looking at a fantasy and look at the reality.
Can’t say it didn’t hurt at times as I found my feet but I am far stronger than I was.
Somehow by going through all of that and becoming comfortable with myself and happy without a significant man in my life. I started back on some old hobbies that I had to leave behind and was starting to live the life I used to.
I was very happy and had my life sorted without the need of a partner.
Then I found a man who I liked to talk to and listen to and slowly he has become part of our lives but still with the breathing space for all of us when we need it. So he is my boyfriend, not partner and that for now is just fine.
23rd March 2016 at 10:54 am #12121Confused123Participant
Was trying to reply yesterday but couldnt log in. Just take it easy and at your own pace, im on the dating sites now and chatting to loads of guys, like u i have trusting guys very hard,i still think like u im not good enough on some days, i speak to a good variety and its all a learning experience . Trust your gut instinct feelings and through the whole thing have value for yourself. I have the odd really good looking guy chatting with me, i have guys i really for and think gosh when will he call or message,i even have a guy which is doing similar to what yours is doing, most importantly i realized no guy is going to messs me about, if his really intrested he will message and communicate with me, if his just after sex his not getting that out of me, i have loads that say lets just be friends but then hint they want fun in process,i make it very clear what i want and if they cant accept or play mind games i walk away from them , dont let no guy play game with u , these r our warning sign, if they cant respect us already and play on there rules,let them walk away witht here good looks. someone better will come along, i am head over heels over this one guy but he suprises me cause he is actually ok, something im not used to as ex was totally opposite, the attractionis there, but again he plays the game only messages when he wants to, only wants to be friends but have fun , i have left at if he wants to make contact he can with me but im not going to contact him cause as much as he might be a good friend, i would get more attached and he would hurt me, deep down i think his just as scared as me but is playing over confident, i havent got time for the mind games, so just make sure u stay in control i guess is my advice… it is so hard to trust men again, but hey lets have fun in process and analyse them to like they do with us
23rd March 2016 at 5:32 pm #12141
Thanks ladies! Thank you for your advice 🙂 I haven’t spoken to him for quite a while now, which has really helped! Haven’t even been tempted to message him, in fact I deleted his number so I wouldn’t get tempted to text him! If he wants to talk to Me then fine, but he hasn’t messaged me! It always seemed to be me who made an effort to talk and arrange to meet up, so stuff him! Deleted his number, not spoke to him in a while, and feeling much better 🙂
Thank you for your advice and support ladies xx
27th March 2016 at 4:29 pm #12357mixed-up mumParticipant
Hi Felix – how are you today?
I saw this post last week when you put it on, but I didn’t have time to reply right then – and then it moved further and further down and it went out of my mind – found it now and wanted to talk to you.
Have you heard from him again?
Im kinda in a similar situation…….
I just wish I had someone who cared about me and wanted to spend time with me, then I wouldn’t have to rely on my friends so much.
This time last year I thought I had the chance of a relationship – there was a man (an acquaintance I’ve known for at least 25 years) he always seemed pleased to see me when we met, and would stop and chat for ages – there was always a bit of ‘flirting’ between us – he has gorgeous eyes and a lovely kind smile – well this time last year I decided to take the plunge and make my feelings known to him…..
It didn’t go as planned – all out the blue his ex came back in his life, and so he decided to give it another go…… 🙁 🙁 🙁
I felt so disappointed and let down – the first man I’d had the courage to approach since leaving my abusive ex – and it went so wrong – I was heartbroken – he was/is a very kind, caring, nice man – and I really thought we could have been SO GOOD for one another.
For a few days I thought we had a future – and I was buzzing, so full of life and energy – I wanted to get up and shower and make myself look nice, I wanted to keep the house neat and tidy and looking good, and I even wanted to exercise and lose a bit of weight, but then it all fell apart and that was the end of my ‘feel good factor’…..
It took me SO MUCH courage, to let him know how I felt – I’d only ever had one boyfriend in my life (my abusive ex) and this new man just felt SO RIGHT for me – it felt so good that feeling somebody actually wanted to spend time with me and wanted to talk to me….
I felt ready to let him in to my life, I wasn’t ready for anything sexual, but I wanted to be with someone who enjoyed my company, and wanted to spend time with me. I felt ready to let a man in my life and try and see if I could cuddle and be close to a man again, and maybe even a kiss ……
Anyway it was not to be, and a year later I now hear that he is on his own once again – his partner has left him for a second time – he does not deserve to be used and hurt like he has been, he’s such a gentle, nice man, and easily used – he’s been badly hurt in the past, and used by his ex wife, and now again by his ex girlfriend, he’s going to find it hard to trust again…..
Part of me wants to give it one last shot and see if he IS interested in me – or was he just being the nice gentleman that he is ….. and being polite and talking to me…. believe me Im no great catch – he could do better than me – bit I have had feelings for him for a long, long time now and I don’t think I could take rejection a second time – but I can’t get this man out of my head – he would give me the boost, and the zest for life that I long for….
He would help me feel good about myself and give me a reason to get up and get going every day….
I know that I should not feel I ‘need’ a man for that – BUT I just long to feel special to someone again, I long to have those butterflies in my stomach – waiting to see him or hear from him….someone to actually hold me in his arms and NOT push for sex – its been so long that I’ve forgotten how that feels…..
What should I do – give him one last try and know for sure if he IS interested in me – OR leave it be and see if HE comes to ME………
What you say Felix…….???????
27th March 2016 at 6:58 pm #12363mixed-up mumParticipant
I actually haven’t seen him at all in the past year, I kept away on purpose, as he was trying to work thing out with his girlfriend, and I wanted to give them space.
So it’s just in the last few weeks that I’ve found out he’s single again.
I long to see him, that lovely big smile and those twinkling eyes…..but who am I kidding – I’m sure he’s plenty other women after him – what makes me think he’d actually want ME…..the wrong side of 40, and fat and frumpy….why would he want me….?
He’s maybe even had enough of women after what he’s been through – he has custody and he’s a very devoted dad – maybe there’s no room in his life for another relationship…..
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