any words of comfort?

[desolate]

i wonder if you can help?
i left my abuser a (removed by moderator) ago. he was physically, emotionally and financially abusive to me.

i am struggling so very much. i tried going no contact but kept cracking. he is sending me the most loving messages. and whilst i know what he’s really like, i live for these crumbs of comfort because i am so so lonely.

the thought of a life without him is unbearable. i feel i have nothing to live for anymore. i don’t know what to do with myself all day. i feel like a ghost just walking about going through the motions.

why did he have to hit me and ruin everything?

i’m so sorry for the self-piteous tone of this message. i just need to reach out. these feelings are overwhelming.

[Cantmakedecisons]

The way you’re feeling is completely normal! That’s the reason it’s taken so long to leave because the hold he has over you. You have to remind yourself of the reasons you left in the first place, and the living messages your getting from him are just manipulating you into thinking things can be ok, they won’t with him.

Remember you’re grieving, for a relationship you wanted with him and for the hopes you had – that’s normal too BUT you need to tell yourself that you deserve better! Those hopes and dreams of a living life, full of joy can be in the future for you but not with him. If he really loved you he wouldn’t have hurt you

[Eggshells]

Hi Desolate, @cantmakedecisions is absolutely right. It is normal to grieve for the future that you hoped you would have together. You miss the “nice” side of him. Have you heard of trauma bonding? It might help you to understand why you are feeling like this.

Please block him from your phone. Every message holds the danger of tempting you back and if you go back, the abuse will escalate. It’s important not to read those messages. xx

[Anonymous]

Hi Desolate,

The chances are that once he has hit you, he will do it again. Stay strong. You have got out of that situation and are one of the lucky ones. Keep remind yourself of this. X

[Wiseafter]

Hi Desolate. I understand. 100%. He is always in my head and I am always craving the comfort of his familiarity, and my heart is broken, even though I remind myself why I got out. I know I would have cracked by now and looked at his messages and called him in my darkest moments so I made the decision to have no contact with him at all. He is too manipulative and I am too vulnerable. I have blocked his number. I don’t look at emails. I think it is like being on a rollercoaster – wearing a blindfold! So best not to get on the ride. A conscious decision to stay away from the theme park everyday until I no longer want to go there and am happy and fulfilled going somewhere new, calm and peaceful that I have discovered, with a picnic and my new puppy I am saving for! Baby steps, baby. Baby steps. x

[Author]

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