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    • #119282
      xxx22
      Participant

      Me again.. I feel so exhausted from being so sad and down so often that I can’t keep up.

      I’m so tired all the time, every single day. I feel a bit better sometimes throughout the day then suddenly out of nowhere it’s like a bit dark cloud has come over me.

      Having anxiety too I just feel like if I am not anxious in my head all the time then I am so down. I achieved something (detail removed by moderator) and qualified in a new skill; for the first time in so long. I don’t even feel happy about it now it’s passed or I don’t even feel deserving of it. I was made redundant (detail removed by moderator) with everything that went on and I’m so worried that even when I do eventually manage to get a job and finances will be less of a worry.. that I will still feel this way.

      People say go for a walk but sometimes I just physically can’t or it makes me feel physically unwell doing something. Then on the days where I do, that’s such a short part of the day that the dark cloud still arrives and stays for the remainder. It’s also probably why I stayed in the emotional abuse cycle with my ex (detail removed by moderator) too which I’ve now left and trying to deal with.

      I’ve been on antidepressants for about a month now as I avoided it for a long while, maybe they haven’t kicked in just yet.

      I wondered if anybody else here has depression and how they deal with it day to day?

    • #119283
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Your anti-depressants will take a few weeks to kick in but even then, it will be a gentle lifting of spirits rather than a happy feeling. If they are not helping, please go back to your GP. You may not have reached a therapeutic dose yet.

      Music helps me. I have an empowering play list, many of the songs on it were suggested by ladies on this forum.

      I also use mindful meditation. I use the “Insight Timer” app. It has thousands of meditations, some as short as a minute and you can select meditations directly targeted at depression. And then of course, the forum. The ladies on here have literally been lifesavers for me at one point. xx

    • #119284
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hello xxx22, well done for qualifying in the new skill. That’s a huge acheivement especially when you’re feeling low so well done!
      I’m very sorry to hear about the redundancy. I was made redundant last year too because of the pandemic.
      Would you consider getting some counselling? I’m not sure if you knew already but you can self-refer yourself to NHS talking therapies. I think counselling would be carried out via zoom or telephone call at the moment so you could do it from the comfort of your own home.
      It’s fine if you don’t feel like getting out for a walk some days. I get anxiety and some days I just want to stay holed up inside. It might sound stupid but I’m trying to give myself a pat on the back for the smallest acheivements at the moment. Even if it’s just that I’ve sorted through some emails or did some washing. I’ve seen someone else on here say how they gave themselves 3 tasks a day, even as simple as having a shower, making the bed etc.
      Please be kind to yourself, we’re living through an incredibly difficult time so it’s important to not put pressure on yourself. Just getting out of bed is an achievement. Especially as you’re dealing with leaving an abusive relationship on top of the anxiety/depression.

      I find listening to youtube videos and podcasts helpful. There’s a book list on the forum for books on abuse/healing and recovery. Mindfulness and breathing techniques.

      I agree that the anti-depressants could take a bit longer to take effect. I’ve also heard that you can feel a bit worse initially too. I’ve not been on them myself but I’ve heard from lots of other people that it can be a bit trial and error with finding what works for you.
      Do keep posting, I know it’s always said but please know you’re not alone xx

    • #119285
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      I had depression for a good couple of years, to be honest I remember waking up one morning about (detail removed by moderator) months into the relationship and realising I didn’t want to get out of bed and struggled to find the motivation to get up. Realistically the depression started early on in the relationship, it’s actually gone by itself now but I had anxiety too and hyper-vigilance and basically all the other negative emotional states which go hand in hand with recovery. I’m not an advocate for medication myself so I’ve not taken any drugs to cope – no judgement for those who do or have – it’s just not my way of doing things. I did drink a fair bit of booze at the beginning and I used it as pain relief… this can get out of hand though, so I don’t drink too much as I didn’t want to swap my addiction to my abuser for an addiction to alcohol.

      Like Eggshells, I have found meditative methods and spirituality the best ways to calm me and sort my head when it’s been in a mess. Walking or doing any sort of exercise is great I find as it reconnects the mind and body to each other again. When I first started walking my body was present but my mind was mostly still locked into the abuse and the past. I realised I wasn’t enjoying my walks at all, everything felt meaningless as the constant chatter in my head stopped me from taking in the scenery or feeling my body moving. I wasn’t present at all. But I persisted and bit by bit, I started to notice the wind on my face and the smell of the air and my hips moving. It sounds mad but I hadn’t realised I’d become almost totally numb to my body. It was on a walk that I thought I wanted to push myself a bit further as I realised I was actually starting to quite enjoy the experience. So I started doing weight/strength/resistance training at a studio pre-Covid, which I really enjoyed. Every week I’d see how I was progressing and getting stronger and improving and that felt really good! Now I am just walking due to Covid but I enjoy it because I’m present when I’m doing it.

      Ultimately I had to push myself to do things to begin with, there was initially resistance but I just thought that if I didn’t start taking small steps to get better and get through then I would wallow longer than I wanted to. I’d got to the point that I hated how I felt, that was my motivation.

    • #119286
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      I’ve had depression on and off since my teens but it really escalated as a result of my abusive relationship. Like you I think it played a large part in holding me in the abuse; it made it easy for him to distract me from how his abuse was making me feel and make me believe the issue lay entirely with me.

      The meds could take up to 6 weeks to start working but you may benefit from increasing the dose, definitely speak to your GP. Antidepressants are like a lifejacket, they will help keep you afloat but you will still have to build yourself a boat or swim to shore. Counselling is really helpful and has been the game changer for me.

      Be very gentle with yourself. You have been through so much. Sleep as much as you need to, try to keep hydrated and eat regularly. Trauma takes time to heal and we need rest and nutrition to heal. There are some lovely ” yoga for depression” and “yoga for when you feel numb” videos on youtube you might like to check out. Lots are short, just 15mins or so. Might be worth a try, especially on those days you dont feel up to a walk.

      You wont always feel like this. It does pass. There are brighter days ahead xx

    • #119287
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      I had anxiety and panic attacks after my relationship ended. It was too much for my psyche to deal with the reality of abuse. Meditation, therapy, music and walking. I did them all and they are life savers. Try to do just a few minutes a day. I promise that it will get better. I didn’t have panic/anxiety before the relationship and I don’t have them now. Recovery and healing are truly possible.

    • #119297
      xxx22
      Participant

      Thank you all for replying x x

      I was waiting for counselling and just had my initial consultation for it this morning which was a bit overwhelming with all the questions but at least I am just waiting on a counsellor now and can try to get some support.

      I will definitely try some meditation like you’ve all mentioned as it seems to be helpful. I think when I tried it before I found it so hard to shut off from my thoughts as I did it but maybe I need to be persistent

      X x

      • #119299
        GreenSapphire
        Participant

        Yes I know what you mean about getting frustrated with it. It’s practice. Just keep having a go and eventually you’ll get there x

    • #119300
      maddog
      Participant

      I found clinical depression very physical. I feel it as a real whack across the bows. How is your appetite? Some people eat and eat and others loose their appetite altogether. You’re doing so well to post here. Please keep it up. I also found that my speech slowed to an incoherent drawl while my mind was racing.

      It may be that the meds you’ve been given aren’t suitable for you. Please speak to your MH team. I’ve been given all sorts of things over the years.

      Yes, exercise can help, if you can drag yourself from under the duvet, if you’re able to get dressed, if you’re still able to care for yourself.

      Please don’t feel ashamed for taking anti depressants. They’re supposed to dull the symptoms so that therapy can be more effective. You will get through it, although it may not feel like it.

      Please keep reaching out and whatever you do, keep breathing. xx

    • #119303
      xxx22
      Participant

      Thank you so much x x

      My appetite isn’t great. I eat because I’m hungry, not because I want to or can make a nice meal that day etc.. seems far too big if you get what I mean, as silly as it sounds. So I tend to just have things that are quick and convenient then snack which isn’t very nutritious.

      Yeah I think the dr told me to wait 6-8 weeks before seeing the full benefits so hopefully that kicks in soon but I know that things won’t just suddenly be better and it’s more like a band aid to be able to do or deal with things I can’t at the moment.

      I don’t have much support around me so I really appreciate it here with you guys reaching back out. Thank you x x

    • #119314
      maddog
      Participant

      Don’t worry about not eating delicious and nutritious food at the moment. It’s really positive that you still feel hunger and have an appetite.

      Remember that the Samaritans and Mind will listen to you any time. They’re not a long term solution, but can help you through a rough patch. Your GP probably knows you best, so please don’t be afraid to speak to them.

      Your local WA may be able to guide you towards local support as well. We’re all here tooxx

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