Anyone else have horrible flashbacks?

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

Does anyone else get these flashbacks? Could be anything that triggers it. A certain song, a certain smell or sound even a certain time of year or place. The worst ones are from when I was pregnant and I was living in my flat. He has moved in (detail removed by moderator)time ish. By (month removed by moderator) I knew something was seriously wrong with him. By the height of the summer I was heavily pregnant, the abuse had gotten worse was at full scale (or so I thought) I should of kicked him out then. But that’s hindsight I suppose. I was very ill with my pregnancy and it made me housebound. My flat was my home and it should of been a place I felt safe and happy. He prayed on the fact that I couldn’t leave the house and used that to escalate the abuse. Going back round to that area (which I sometimes have to do for shopping or if I am taking my daughter out for the day) brings it all back. There are certain songs that when I hear them remind me of being cooped up wondering if things would ever get better. I feel angry that he had tarnished so much of my life with bad memories. I feel angry that he wrecked my first (and probably last) pregnancy and made me hate my own home that I had worked so hard to get and loved so much.

[LizSKY]

Hi Rockandroll,

Yes, I can totally relate to this. I get a lot from around the time of my pregnancy too. I try not to think about them too much but you’re right, it could be something that triggers the memory like a song or place. It’s horrible that they have managed to tarnish what should have been such special times in our lives or have made us not feel happy to be in a place that we have made into our home. Hopefully these flashbacks will soon subside and leave us with just the parts we want to remember about our children. It is all about moving forward and starting to create some lovely new ones!

Have you managed to leave or are you putting your plan together?

Stay positive and take care x

[Rockandrolldreamscomethrough]

LizSky, im sorry you’re going through the same as well. It really is horrible that they manage to get everywhere and wreck the things that are good in our lives. I am too hoping that the bad memories will subside and I’ll just be left with the good ones. The part that gets me is that he thinks he’s a saint.

I am putting my plan together to leave him. I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel whereas before I was so confused. I hope you are out and safe

Take care x

[fridges]

Hi,
Yes, I can relate to this, I see bad dreams with being in them. This voice in my head, what he used to say to me. Sometimes I’m still blaming myself for not seeing through him.
When someone try to rush you to be with them, you should take step back. I’m angry with myself for letting me to push, not respecting my boundaries, my wishes, my firm NO. I understood this type of men, they do not get when you say – I do not want this. They will carry on on pressuring you in order to full fill their own desires. Every time they success in breaking your rule, your boundary, it is a victory for them.
Who are you? You are a doll, this how I feel with all gaslighting, lying, manipulation, constantly violating my opinions, my wishes, my views, forcing himself on me in a sexual way and i have to comply with his demands.
I can not wait to start a therapy and the freedom programme. I want to fight for me, and have a voice.
Reading the book, which is eye opening, gives me the strength.
Therapist explains often that abusive men, have the mask in front of other people, that they are good human beings, they can do even very good things, but they do it, in order to make them feel good, and justify their behaviour towards us. Many people will look at them, that they can not be an abuser, but they are. We go through doubts, who will believe us? When you share with someone who did not experience abuse, they can not give you good advice, specially knowing the abuser. You need to trust your own judgement, and rely only how it makes you feel!
That is why I also got the silly answers from my mother, but look he gives you gifts, he can not be that bad. Gifts where there to cover the s**t what he was doing towards me, this was the cover up the abuse, to take away the attention from me.
I remember very well, that in the last time when he performed sexual act on me, without my consent, I told myself, I will never see him ever again. He tried to do the same thing, asking me what I would like? shopping and so on? After this I cut him out completely, I could not stand him any near me. What he was trying to do…Trying to hoover me back with being super nice, offering so many things.
You can not rape someone and try to cover it up with gifts, and saying it is my own faults, as i’m too beautiful and he always have a hard one, and can not control himself.
This is why I felt so lost, confused and could not figure it the situation.

[bubbles]

I don’t get flashbacks I never did but even now I get triggered and the feeling of how I felt comes back. I usually breakdown cry until I fall asleep and wake up feeling my normal sunny self again. It doesn’t happen often maybe once every few months I tend to feel allot better after the meltdown though I think it could be me chipping away at the feelings i’ve covered for so long x

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