This topic contains 16 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Lowkey 1 week, 6 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #115126
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    Hi all, anyone else seem to go weeks even months of having a ‘normal’ relationship then like the flick of a switch your other half’s mood changes and your on the receiving end of allegations, name calling, ‘the look’!
    Working, home life, children and this thrown in the mix!! Exhausted with it all 😔

  • #115128
     gettingtired 
    Participant

    Yes I feel your pain.. it’s making me feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. It’s not healthy to be living in this continuous cycle of cr*ap, constantly walking on eggshells x

  • #115129
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    I’m starting to feel numb to it all, I think that’s why I let it continue 😔
    It’s the walking on egg shells that’s so tiring isn’t it! Xx

    • #115133
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      Same and my life is miserable to be honest. The constant accusations, long drawn out rants and lectures, constant anxiety of doing something wrong blah blah blah. It’s so boring and predictable but also super stressful. Have you read any of the recommended books on here? They are helping me to understand things a bit more and people on the forum have told me abuse just gets worse. So the only option is to leave. If only leaving were easy!! x

  • #115130
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Google the cycle of abuse. And the power and control wheel. I was stuck in this cycle for decades.

  • #115132
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    I looked at this a few month and totally feel like this is my life
    I guess I just hope each time it doesnt happen again 🤷🏼‍♀️

  • #115137
     KIP. 
    Participant

    That’s how we get trapped in the cycle because it always does happen again. Sadly. And it gets more harmful and more dangerous x

  • #115138
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Look at cognitive dissonance when our brain just can’t reconcile the abuse with the loving part of him. It’s Mind blowing x

  • #115149
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    Gettingtired, that’s just how I feel, for the last few days I’ve had such a bad head and my anxiety has been all over the place
    I took one of my children out to do their hobby (detail removed by moderator) away in the fresh air laughing and smiling really helped.

    I really like how you’ve said it’s boring! Because that’s exactly the word I saw to myself when he starts! I’m total bored of the same c**p and I’m well over it!

    Thank you kip, I will look into that, as I’ve not heard of it before

    Xx

    • #115153
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      Same @lowkey, I’ve actually felt like I’m getting ill with everything on my mind and his continuous moods/rants. Yes it’s totally boring, in fact I zone out a lot when he starts on unless he is being particularly nasty/aggressive then I’m on high alert which is also exhausting. Glad you managed to get out with your child and have a nice time 🙂 x

  • #115154
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Living with abuse will make you ill. Stress ages us, it drains us, it leaves us vulnerable to illness. Many victims suffer from stress related illnesses. I had an overactive thyroid, heart palpitation, constant headache, stomach problems. Fibromyalgia and ME can be due to stress so please don’t underestimate the physical as well as mental health injuries abuse causes.

  • #115155
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    I think it’s all just become the norm! And in one way he isn’t as bad as he use to be, not that, that makes everything alright but I’m my mind it’s the excuse I give myself! I’ve had broken relationships in the past I think I’m just holding onto the ‘family’ structure!! I don’t sit thinking if I left him I could be happy with anyone else, the last think I’d want is to be with anyone! So I guess I just carry on as we are
    The zoning out and being numb is just one way I think I deal with it, not sure if that’s the same for your @gettingtired in the past if anyone had spoken to me like he does it would be the first and last! Now with him I just can’t be bothered to be bothered….it’s sad really xx

    • #115171
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      @lowkey yes we give ourselves excuses dont we. I’m the same the thought of being with anyone else makes me feel a bit sick. However, I did meet someone through work (nothing happened) but I really liked him and it did make me think wow I could actually be with someone respectful who also has lots of the same interests/humour etc as me. I think before I always thought my bf was my soulmate. Yes I have become numb and like I cant be bothered to fight back or defend myself as its exhausting. Feel free to send me a message on here if you ever want to xx

    • #115177
       Lowkey 
      Participant

      From the short amount of message I think what we are both going through is very similar. It’s comforting to know some one is going through the same and knows how it feels.
      I don’t have any fight in me, not when it comes to him anyways
      I will message you later 😊
      Xx

  • #115157
     KIP. 
    Participant

    They break our spirit. They dominate to destroy our confidence. We become depressed and exhausted making us easier to control. You all deserve better. Just slowly start building a support bubble. From Women’s Aid to your GP. Start opening up with people who understand.

  • #115159
     beachhut 
    Participant

    Morning,
    Reading your post made me look back at my old diary, mine it would appear was a (detail removed by moderator) week cycle, a few days build up, aggression, shouting, then the crescendo throwing things and storming in and out of the house, then the platitudes of ‘you made me do it’ and how I ment the world to him and that life was not worth living if I left.
    Well I left, my health got so bad l didn’t sleep and as KIP described had physical problems as well.
    I am now on my journey, both physical and mental health improving, still have bad days but to be expected at my age.
    We had the conversations he promised so much and never changed just got worse.
    They lie manipulate and we suffer.
    Stay safe and look after you.
    beachhutXx

  • #115174
     Lowkey 
    Participant

    Thank you beachhut
    I suppose while ever I just hold on to the good weeks the bad ones will be forgotten about
    Hope today is a good day for you xx

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