- This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
-
-
When my ex was first arrested for assaulting me, I told his family what he did to me. I figured that since they knew me, they would believe me. Instead the exact opposite happened. Several of them showed up at the house unannounced after he was arrested to confront me. I didn’t let them in. One of them called me & told me I was a liar & said that my ex had told them I had been abusing him! Another one texted me harassing messages. In that moment I finally realized that for a very long time, my ex husband had been telling his family lies about me…that I was crazy, that I was abusing him etc etc & that he had done this so that if I ever came to them for help, they wouldn’t believe me.
Your ex has probably done the same thing because it’s a common tactic abusers use to isolate and cut off support to their victims. If you do decide to share it with his friends and family, be prepared to not be believed, which can be incredibly painful. My advice would be to continue to lean on those people who already support and believe you. You know the abuse you’ve experienced is real & it’s not your burden to convince anyone 💜.
-
It’s normal to want to tell your story, scream you’re not the bad guy here but the problem is the abusers ‘friends’ and family are unlikely to react how you want them to. Firstly, his family are probably very similar to him – his abuse stemmed from somewhere, secondly his ‘friends’ will have been carefully selected as enablers and flying monkeys. So either they’ll blindly believe whatever he says (or be dumped as a friend) or he’ll have been leaving breadcrumbs over time that’ll make his narrative seem believable. Mine would say I didn’t let him go out, I was moody, etc etc all of it was rubbish but made his mates believe I was the crazy one.
As hard as it is, these people aren’t your people. Unless the lies are causing you issues I’d just hold your head high and walk away. They deserve each other for believing the lies x
-
-
I have told a couple of his family members who I trusted. I have also been very aware that they are indeed his family and I do not expect anything from them especially not loyalty to me. I even refused to tell them where I was so if they were asked by him they genuinely didn’t know. It’s so complicated because these are people who I love and essentially I am losing them too.
The reaction from them about the abuse was kind and supportive as I expected it would be they have always known and suspected he has issues . -
-
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
