Anyone had therapy or medication for the aftermath

[Mellow]

Hi I’m out relationship and it’s quite early on not hit 6 month yet but it’s all been quite a shock .firstly my parent passed away then it come to light my partner was cheating further after this more has come out that he seemed to be living a double life has a wife and was planning a baby with her in a different country.I’m really finding it hard to process because he still won’t admit it despite him saying so then back tracking and blatantly leaving evidence or suttle hints of an affair.we have children of our own together and I was engaged to him.we had ups and downs and he really turned worse towards me when it appeared he was off cheating more often almost as if he blamed me for it .i still have nightmares about his voice in my head and the contact with him is ongoing because of children and it’s so difficult because he dosent like me being silent on him.i don’t feel like I owe him anything I’ve told him I only want to communicate via text but he practically begs for me to talk about children in person but I just want to handover and go.
I’ve been seriously thinking about therapy I’ve not really seen the g.p I only rang up once and they said I can’t have meds due to breastfeeding.
I just feel awful and I’m finding being a mum alone very hard.i don’t have any support or other family except him .i do have a mum but she has a terminal illness so can’t help me and I don’t want to keep burdening her with my issues when she’s got this illness I’m wondering what help I can get i darent speak to a support worker because the last one I told to go away and not contact me again because my ex found out I was getting people involved in reporting the abuse

[Anonymous]

Hi mellow I’ve recently contacted a private counsellor about the mental and emotional abuse of my ex I feel talking it through will help me move forwards. I too never trusted him and God only knows what he got up to. Are you getting support? X

[Lottieblue]

Hi there…

These support workers fully understand what you are going through, so I wouldn’t have any reservations about going back to them for help. I was amazed at how truly compassionate people (professionals) were towards me, both just before and after I left. My local WA propped me up and gave me the strength to leave, and as I relocated, I then had to tap in to another branch. I got a support worker there who called me every week – it was supposed to be 16 wks but she didn’t feel I was ready so I think it turned into nearly a year!

The absolute best thing I did was the Freedom Programme. Everything was still online then, so geography didn’t matter. The women that ran the group were more amazing than I can describe. And they followed it up with another course, Survival Toolkit which was equally fabulous. I also have private therapy. Again, this is all online as the therapist is in a completely different part of the country.

If this is a route you are able to take, it is so important that you find someone who “gets it”. I started with someone who came highly recommended, v well qualified etc, but she said things like I was a people pleaser and I should have just told him his behaviour was unacceptable. Clueless. So I ditched her and found someone else and I’ve been with her for over a year now.

I have also been taking SSRI’s since before I left. My GP has recommended that I don’t try to change anything now until spring, when the weather is nicer so I have more external positives to help me along.

People really really want to help you – you just need to let them know that you need it.
Women’s Aid, GP, and try to find a Freedom Programme. It’s little steps, it really is, but the more supported you feel, the stronger you will start to feel too.

Big hugs, keep us posted x*x

[Starting-again]

Hi Mellow,

I have been on medication for awhile and whilst I was still in the relationship.
But I have started therapy since it’s ended.
I found a therapist who specialises in trauma and DA. I’d had other generic counselling before and found it didn’t help, but finding someone who understands what I’ve been through has helped massively.
I felt like I was going insane after years of abuse and not trusting my own judgement, but she explains it all and makes me see things in a different light.
I would highly recommend finding someone who deals with this abuse, talking it through once a week has helped me so much, I can walk out of there so much lighter.

[StrongLife]

I have had a lot of therapy (group and individual) for domestic violence.

I’ve had medication but it’s now reduced. It has all helped.

Try various support workers – some are better than others.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi Mellow,
You have a lot on your plate lovely, you really do. I am so sorry for your loss, plus leaving and keeping everything going… it is hard enough breastfeeding and looking after a new born… without all the turmoil of leaving an abusive partner.

Yes to medication for PTSD (it really does help as I had crippling anxiety) and therapy is starting soon…. I did the Freedom programme then Pattern Change (which is called other names in other areas, it is the course which covers your Bill of Rights)… one on one therapy starts soon which I am now ready for. The medication really helped, it took me a while to get myself to my GP, I broke down back then and it all came out, my GP has been very supportive, even ringing to check how my children and I are doing… so for me I am relieved to have told her everything that day as the help I have now is getting me through a difficult phase (divorce)…
Big hugs Mellow ❤️
My DA worker told us (a group of us) that anyone who has been in a DA relationship will need therapy, the gaslighting, mental manipulation causes harm to us, our children… therapy and medication really helped me in my situation.. my children also have therapy xx

[Author]

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