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My abuser texted me on a burner. I went on Ni-Contact for almost (detail removed by Moderator) months and recently , he texted me. He wants to meet me in person so he can apologise looking into my eyes.
The apology in itself is corny and quite the same he used the first time to win me back. After apologising in person he acts like nothing happens and were “friends”again.
I know I shouldn’t meet up with him and I didn’t respond to the message. But I couldn’t get any “closure” before I went on no – contact with him. I want to respond to his message just to insult him, get angry at him like i was supposed to, ask for explanation and get closure.Am I wrong for that? Should I do it?
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Totally relatable to want to have closure, to say your truth… however… in my opinion..it will be pointless (as he won’t offer you any truth) and may harm your recovery….
I would say to ask yourself, would it be helpful or harmful to your recovery to meet up?
To ask him for an explanation would be like giving him a stage so he can act.. playing the victim is a very common one or to declare (without any action) how he has changed etc…
HFH ❤️
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Thanks HFH❤️,
It would definitely be harmful for my recovery, given the fact that I react very strong just by seeing his picture. I also reported him to the police and they said I should avoid meeting up with him .
The example with the stage and acting is very good thanks gor that!
He used to lie a lot and gaslight me. I believe that he even managed to lie to himself .
It’s just that we are somehow in the same friend group. I have to miss one of my day one’s Birthday because he’s gonna be there :/I don’t blame her cause I just recently told her and a few friends about him and he’s alr very involved in her party.
Ayidaaaaaa
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One thing I’ve learnt is to get a proper apology he has to admit to what he’s done for example when he apologises ask him to tell you exactly what he’s sorry for if he does not know it means he’s apologising to win you back also he may expect you to be friends again you can accept his apology if it’s genuine but tell him you don’t want to accept a friendship.i found staying friends didn’t work he would not go with my boundaries he would find ways to come and see me and when he did come he wouldn’t leave I had to tell him he’s outstayed his welcome .it became a regular think him wanting to come round say he’s come to see kids but stay way past there bed time.he would end up staying when they had even gone to bed expecting something from me I could not cope with it.
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Please know you don’t get closure with these kinds of men your closure is moving on my ex lived a double life and I’ve never got any closure at all about how it all started and why he did it to me.they are secretive people they only say what you want to hear
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Hi there in my opinion there’s absolutely no closure whatsoever with these type people. There behaviour were all we needed to see. We have to give ourselves closure. I never got it from my ex I left him. The thought of me meeting him for closure would set me back on my healing path. I never want yo see him again. They are class actors and they know exactly what there doing. They don’t need to heal or see therapists they glam on to unsuspecting people (detail removed by Moderator). I’d avoid like the plaque. X
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Hello, I too agree that it would be damaging for your recovery and closure just is not something they will give. I recently broke no contact with my ex and it was Mr nice guy, nasty, gaslighting, then apologies and then the I love you! Then accusing me of playing games … it left my head in a spin tbh and wishing I never did it x even started to doubt whether it was my fault, after all this time since leaving ! x no contact is the best healer xx stay strong xx
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I had contact after multiple yrs of no contact again blaming me. Never responded (hard to do though) – he never responded back – thank goodness. Awaiting it shortly.
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