Are his mood swings normal?

[Put the kettle on]

So I’ve been in an abusive relationship before and have since got into another relationship. I’m trying not to take baggage into my current relationship and have had lots of counselling and was single for a while afterwards.
My new partner seems to have serious mood swings, he’s not violent towards me but I definitely feel uncomfortable around him when he’s moody. Is this just a trigger from my past? New partner knows I’ve been in an abusive relationship before. He throws things, seems irrational in the things he says and talks negatively about himself. Is the negative talk an insecurity or guilt tactic? I know I can’t give all the details but I’d just like a little perspective from others who have experienced things like I have.
I feel that my opinions often don’t matter around him and at times belittled but he brushes it off when I mention it and says he’s unaware he does it.

I’m practicing good boundaries around him, I’m seeing friends still, going out still and looking after myself

[Bananaboat]

Hello, I didn’t want to read and run. From what you’ve written I’d say there’s potential red flags. He sounds like he’s using his anger and throwing items to intimidate and show his dominance. You say he’s not violent but remember abuse isn’t always violent. The emotional, verbal, financial etc are all devastating too, it could be this man exerts a different type of abuse to your previous partners.

None of us can say if it’s abuse or not, but I’d say the critical parts from your own words are

1) you feel uncomfortable
2) your opinions don’t matter
3) you feel belittled
4) suspect you’re being guilted into things
5) you can’t talk to him and
6) his mood swings.
Seeing as he knows about your past is he doing anything to make you feel safe and secure…or quite the opposite?

Abuse or not is that the kind of partner/relationship you want or deserve, how do you want a relationship to feel, how do you want a partner to make you feel and does this person give you those? x

[Put the kettle on]

Thank you for your reply, that’s a good perspective that whether it’s abuse or not it’s still not how I deserve to be treated

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