Arghhhhh

[Bingo-bongo]

Real mad tonight guys.
Why on earth must they lie, and then lie about lying…
So, I’ve been away for work. First time away from my kids since they were born, and they’re very nearly adults at this point.
So, me going away for work is a big, scary, traumatic situation to begin with.
I slaved for weeks beforehand to get all housework etc up to date for him, so he wouldn’t have much to do while I was away.
Guess what… Guess… What!!!!!
He’s saved all my chores for me when I got home.
Literally, the clothes that I hung up to dry… are still hung up to dry. A week later.
No washings been done. No clothes put away (or even moved). Nobody has bathed. He still has no job. He’s still just gaming, gaming, abuse some OTC medication, gaming…
I specifically asked, in very easy words, if he’d been doing the laundry, and he very specifically said “yes”… Clearly a lie. I was reeeeeal specific cause I know him! And then when I was upset that I now have to catch up all the housework, he says he definitely, probably, maybe said there was no washing. LIES.
LYING LIAR, TELLING LIES.
For real, I’m SO angry. I genuinely cannot fathom the selfishness.

[diymum@1]

he sounds like a dead weight to be honest – you must be exhausted bb xx i had that too wouldnt lift a finger or work (and he was able) he wouldnt feed my daughter she would be starving when i cam home i could never get my head round that. she wouldnt even ask him in the end. these guys have no sense of responsibility it like theyre babysitting their own kids. your the maid. dont stick around because this is what can make you physically ill i believe – we get chronic conditions carrying all of the load plus being constantly stressed xx much love diymum

[Lisa]

Dear Bingo-bongo,

Your anger is completely justified. It sounds like you are working very hard both at work and at home, and he is taking no responsibility at all.

It’s good to see you’ve had some good support on your other post. I hope you’ve been able to get some local support too. I appreciate it’s a difficult thing to do within your circumstances, but try to take care of yourself as much as you can.

Keep posting,

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Grrr..leaves me feeling angry as well! Adding to the load, piling you up, never a thought for how he can ease the pressure and lighten the load. I got buried under it all in the end, caring for everyone else on my own, running a house, taking care of the bills, the holiays, or what everyone needed.

When I look back now I really dont know how I managed it for so long. I did burnout and this forced me to look at why, it was only really then that I could see I was giving, giving, giving and recieving little to nothing in return; I took care of most things – bar myself, as I had no time and space to do this – big mistake. Never again. Made me ill.

I know now that a loving, caring, equal partnership shares the load, they both understand that each person has needs to meet and thus they try to help one another here; e.g. one takes care of the children while the other sees a friend, gets some exercise – whatever it may be.

I learnt it’s not only important to give, it’s also just as important to learn how to recieve – because at that time this was not in my awareness, it was only really about what can I do for my family next. He had himself a fine maid who he didn’t have to pay a wage, he didnt even have to be nice to her, and she even gave him money for the things he wanted. He had a very comfortable life, and I used to wonder why are we still together, why doesnt he just leave if he is so unhappy with me – doh!

Hoping you kick him to the kerb BB! x

[fizzylem]

I eventually realsied that the ‘yeah sure’ was nothing more than two words employed to pacify me in that moment – to avoid conflict and any heat. Yeah sure never meant, I hear you, Ive got this, I can do that x

[Twisted Sister]

Yes, i get it too bingo bongo. An incapable lazy abuser. Its ‘womens work’ that they wont dirty their hands with. Very exhausting running everything, work, kids, home, nighttime wake ups etc.

Theres no way round it, this is how it is sadly. Its hard expecting better and being so bitterly disappointed over and over.

You deserve better, but easier not to expect it from him as he doesnt care. He i the onlything tha mattera to him.

Warmest wishes

TS

[Bingo-bongo]

Thanks for replies xxxx
It makes it a bit easier to deal with knowing somebody knows how it is.
X*x

[Flowerchild]

I used to wonder why I was always being criticised for not being efficient enough and dropping the ball sometimes (cleaning, shopping, earning, ferrying everyone, making and keeping appointments etc.) There was always something I’d missed.

It took me ages to realise it was all my ball! If I was the only one who ever tidied, of course it was my fault if something went missing! Likewise socks in the wash, wrong brand in the shopping etc, etc, etc.

Rinse and repeat…

[Author]

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