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    • #132785

      Why am I still dancing to his d**n tune?

      (Detail removed by moderator) I find myself back in the marital home, or doing things that revolve around him or his family / our mutual ‘friends’.

      None of them contact me off their own bat, and any invitations come through him.

      I’ve recently been in touch with a very old friend, but I don’t know what to say, reopening any conversation we had. She also lives miles away.

      I’ve got sooo much whirring round my head, will I be lonely if I cut all ties? How do I make new friends?, (it’s a small town and everyone knows each other), do people actually like me? Why can’t I get his voice out of my head when I get to do something new for myself?

      I just want to curl up in a ball and hide…. I feel I’m regressing after taking the reins of my life back!

    • #132859
      Main Moderator

      Hi Melonballs,

      Leaving an abusive relationship is a journey in itself, and can take some time and several attempts. Please try not to be hard on yourself and know that all those complicated, mixed emotions are to be expected.

      Perhaps try speaking to your local domestic abuse service to get some focus and perspective on your options. They can also provide emotional support as well as practical. They will understand your struggles and anxieties in all this.

      Supportline can also be a helpful service to talk to when you need encouragement and someone to listen. They offer confidential emotional support to reach people before they get to “crisis” point. They offer support by telephone, email and post. They work with callers to develop healthy, positive coping strategies, an inner feeling of strength and increased self-esteem to encourage healing, recovery and moving forward with life. They also keep details of counsellors, agencies and support groups throughout the UK. They cover a wide range of issues, including domestic abuse.

      Try and prioritise you needs moving forward. Do keep posting to let us know how you get on.

      Take care,


    • #132882

      You might be trauma bonded and you’ve no idea what he’s told anyone behind your back not meaning to make you paranoid but the order of the day with abusers is lie and deny, it’s how they live they’re lives on a daily basis, a lot of us are kind and forgiving to an extreme level and we get shocked when people behave in ways that show a dark/sick and twisted mentality, it’s just something the think on, you have choices you have lots of choices you can go you can go to refuge, I used to worry all the time what people were thinking/saying about me because of this but now I’m just making my own life and focusing on myself 💖🧡💖

    • #132930

      Mellonballs it could be just the type person you are (which is someone I’d love to know) or maybe it’s just a habit that’s gone on a long time, but as everything is going through him and we all know abusers are compulsive liars he could be saying anything to his family/acquaintances but either way if you left there’s no reason why you couldn’t make new friends you do sound amazing 💖💞💖

    • #134389

      It’s been awhile, but thanks @Auriel!

      I keep my head down, cuz it’s what I’ve learned to do 😶
      Keep my opinions to myself, etc….

      Think I’m slowly realising that a select few DO want to know, I’ve just got to believe them and believe in myself a bit more!

      Luvnhugz to you xx

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