Arguing

[Caledonia6]

I sometimes think I’ve caused some of this by arguing or holding my ground on something. I’m constantly doubting everything it’s driving me crazy.

For example I was sitting on the couch he demanded I move as he wanted to sit there (he’d made dinner) and we were going to watch the tv. I refused to move as I was comfortable and he ended up getting angry and then going to eat in the kitchen. My son then went up to his room saying I’d ruined the evening and I should have moved.

There are of course so many episodes like this

[Chocolatebunnie]

I have the same issue too. You do really wonder and doubt yourself.

He felt entitled to take your seat, but your son could only see your part in it as he is not fully understanding the situation and might have grown up thinking the same as your partner as we learn what we see. So I often explain myself to my children, but that makes me feel like the baddie as then I feel like I’m manipulating things.

I had the same feelings this weekend as my husband did a really big thing beautiful present for me then he is tight for money so when asked if he could get something from shop he asked for the money out of the shopping money he gives me. This was fair enough but I reacted as he doesn’t give me enough do I contribute and he isn’t easy with money either so I did get annoyed.

My child heard me react. My perception was I totally wrong in how I thought I had reacted and what I thought I’d said. Apparently I was not nice and what I thought I had said was wrong so now I’m doubting myself entirely and thinking I’m the baddie.

Sorry this won’t help but you’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard. My ex used to do this. He had a back problem years ago which he had sorted out. He’d tell me to move from the sofa and go and sit on a chair. He then laid out on the sofa. It’s about entitlement.

One time he said he’d pay for something for our son every week and he’d give me the money. He then didn’t, and maybe used to pay once in a blue moon. He used to give me a limited allowance too. One day I asked him to give me the money and he walked away from me to go and have a shower. Hood had enough of it and got so cross.
It’s about power and control and manipulation.
The Freedom Programme has a very good course that helps people recognise these behaviours in the embodiment of an abuser called The Dominator. Google it. Also look up the Duluth Wheel.
I hope this helps.

[Author]

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