This topic contains 4 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  [email protected] 2 weeks, 5 days ago.

  • Author
  • #103644
     [email protected] 

    First Post and I don’t know where to start. My (detail removed by moderator) has been emotionally abusive and controlling. After many failed attempts I left my husband in (detail removed by moderator) and moved into my own home with my children. After (detail removed by moderator) my husband wormed his way back in and I moved back into the marital home. Everything was fine for a few months but now everything is back to abuse and control. I feel utterly ashamed and disappointed in myself for going through all of that and getting away, inky to come back again. I feel like I’ve let my children down and I’m generally not coping great with it all. I feel like if I reach out to people and organisations they’re are going to question my judgement and I’ll be on my own and stuck. I’m having inner turmoil over moving back in with him and what I’m putting my kids and myself through I blame myself even tho it’s not me doing any if it.

  • #103653

    Hi, on average an abused woman will return to their partner seven times so the organisations involved will know this. You’re absolutely right in that it’s not you it’s him and you know you can leave because you’ve managed before. The next time you won’t be fooled by his lies. They won’t question your judgement because they will know exactly the tactics these men use to hook us back in time and time again. No experience is wasted if we learn from it. So pick yourself up, get your big girl knickers on and start again with an exit plan, you can do this. And the shame is all his so don’t you carry it because that means he won’t have to x start today reaching out to the organisations that are there to help you x

  • #103658
     My Mydaughterismyrock 

    Hi, I know what you mean about what people will think. I’ve reached out and they have put notes in my drs file. I felt so much better after talking with someone and I’m now on the list for counselling but understandably there is a long waiting list. No one will judge you for your actions and if they do, they arent worth it. Organisations are there to support without judgement! X

  • #103662

    Hello there. “Ashamed” is probably the word I can most relate to, although I haven’t yet got as far as you, I haven’t even left once. I feel ashamed for staying, and for allowing it to happen. However, I do find myself wondering whether, when I do leave, I would come back if he convinced me things would be better, and your post has told me exactly what that answer will be. Don’t feel ashamed, feel proud. Feel proud that you managed to find the courage to do it once, because you know now that you have that courage, and I’d be pretty sure that you know you won’t go back again.
    Kip is (as always) absolutely right. It is very (very very) common for women to go back to their abusers. So no-one, absolutely no-one, is going to think any the less of you for doing it.
    Thank you for posting and for telling it how it is. Please go and find the support you need and feel strong and proud of it. You are amazing. X

  • #103664
     [email protected] 

    Than KIP, lottieblue and my daughterismyrockive reached out and have some support coming my way. Your words make so much sense. I don’t think I can shift the guilt I feel yet but small steps. Hoping I can feel free and my children can be happy soon.

    Much love

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.


© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account