Ashamed

[Mime]

So I wrote about how I wasn’t managing with his silent treatment and verbal attack. I feel ashamed for writing those things now.

Anyway, it’s done. This forum is still the thing thats keeping me going. I feel bad that I wrote some difficult things about how I was feeling. I wanted to step away from the forum after that, but it seems I need what is here – the struggle and insight and strength. This is my comfort and the most real thing in my life at the moment. I don’t feel so alone when I read the accounts on here.

He’s being extra nice / kind. My biggest fear is that I’ll fall for it. I forget his cruelty so quickly because I want to be loved and I want to believe that he’s a kind and gentle person. But I don’t think he is. This is so confusing.

[nbumblebee]

Yep. 100% am with you.
I try not to post here but i need to post Its so important to talk it out the ladies on here truly know and understand what you are going through and whatever will never ever judge as they been there or are there. Use this forum you will need it in the days and weeks to come.
Hes when they are nice i find that harder than the nasty biys as it makes you question yourself. The ladies on here tell me its all part of the abuse its how they keep you with them. They know what they are doing.
But now so do you. One thing im slowly learning knlwledge is power. The more you leaen the more you see the more you can understand the better you will be able to fight.
Keep reading keep posting keep fighting.
Every single person on here is right behind you.
There is help out there. There is hope.
Stay safe xx

[Anonymous]

I too feel ashamed of myself due to not getting out . I feel very similar to another of people on this forum . It is hard to think of these men in a dark light because they will have odd moments when they will be nice . We do hold on to those moments hoping for change and there’s nothing wrong with that . All we are doing is hoping and praying they will stop but only time will tell on that . A lot of people point out that they don’t change but I suppose we occasionally hope they will . But don’t feel guilty for posting because that’s what the forum is for if it helps you get through. There is support out there local support it could be just what we need . Sending out big hugs and god bless you . Take care.

[Anonymous]

I dislike myself for staying and I would dislike myself and feel guilty if I left . I find myself upset on many occasions because of it all . I feel tearful whilst I write this .

[Anonymous]

Sorry

[ISOPeace]

I really want you all to know that how you’re feeling and what you’re doing is totally normal in your circumstances. There is so much shame around abuse and so much unintentional victim blaming by people who don’t understand abuse. But your reactions are completely normal human responses to abuse.

The whole reason we get trapped in abusive situations is because abusers take advantage of our normal and healthy human responses and use them against us. We didn’t evolve to cope with abuse and our natural responses to trauma keep us frozen when the trauma is caused by somebody close to us.

Abusers want us to feel all the confusion and doubt and guilt and fear and shame. It keeps them in their position of power over us. Most people don’t understand this and can’t understand why we don’t just leave, why we love them etc. But the way you think/feel is your mind doing it’s best to try to keep you safe and functioning in an unsafe environment. It’s like Stockholm Syndrome (when hostages become attached to their kidnappers).

I know your abusers have spent a long time convincing you that you’re the problem. But you’re not. You’re doing the best you can and you’re responding the way pretty much anybody would in your situation. And you will untangle yourself from all of this when you’re ready to, however stuck you feel. You might not feel strong, but you have to be incredibly strong to survive they way your are surviving. Honestly, you’re doing great. Sending lots of love xxxx

[Bananaboat]

They have the problem not us, but I 100% get it as I’m still stuck in my relationship desperate to get out but also desperately believing it could be good/he’ll change. It’s not easy leaving any relationship it’s even harder leaving one like we are all in. The mind games control us and give/take away our hope. Don’t feel bad, we are all here for the same reason, I wrote a post saying I feel like a fool (still do) and they use our confusion against us.

[Anonymous]

I’m that ashamed of myself and wonder if I should step away from the forum .

[Mime]

I’m sorry you left, I wish you hadn’t, I personally got a lot from your posts and always looked out for them and chances are other people felt the same. Please come back of you can and give it another try.

You have nothing to feel ashamed about- you are valued here, by me at least and I’m sure others too. Come back if you can.
Sending you lots of love xxxxx

[Plodding]

I agree aswell. It’s so confusing when they are nice as ur makes u forget the aweful stuff are u writing things down ? I find it helps. The comfort of this forum certainly helps me and I use my local women’s aid to get clarity on things most weeks I would really recommend it as it helps to be reminded u arnt imagining things when they send u backwards again .
Really do have this situation going on myself right now
Xx

[Bettertimesahead]

Writing down the bad definitely helps. Early on I did this and reading back shocked me, there was so much that I’d forgotten. It helped me stop feeling sorry for him and instead feeling sorry for me. I still can’t fully accept all he did was planned but I do know it wasn’t normal, I didn’t deserve it and that I am now very slowly getting my life back

[Stargazing1]

Just a quick thank you for the responses. Still ashamed.

[Author]

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