Asked for help, wishing I hadn't bothered…

[East17]

Felt so bad last night. Drove around for 2 hours because I didn’t want to go home… not that I really have a home…. didn’t want to go back to the place where I officially live would be a better term…
anyway…
I finally plucked up the courage to call Samaritans, thought it would be ok, they listen, they don’t judge, they don’t give advice but give you the time and space to work through whateve is on your mind…
WRONG…

The woman I spoke to was totally focussed on ‘practical support’, it wasn’t what I needed, just emotional support, which wasn’t forthcoming…. 10 minutes and she was winding up the call, even though I said I was extremely low – she asked if I was feeling suicidal, then promptly moved on to something else, like a ‘tick box’ exercise… I came off the phone feeling worse than before i called…

That’s why I don’t reach out for help very often, because it always seems to have the nasty habit of biting you in the a*se… sometimes better to keep it locked away inside, where others can’t use it against you… except it’s lonely, it’s corrosive, it’s like poison…

So the circular thoughts begin…. maybe it’s me who is corrosive, poisonous, maybe I deserve all I get and more…

[lover of no contact]

Hi East17,

I remember you from a good while ago, on the other forum? You are so brave to reach for help again tonight by posting on here. Yes, the only way out from our abusive situations is to gather all our supports around us. Abusers are too cunning and devious and use all their tricks of lies, twisting the truth, false accusations about us to us and to others etc, etc. We being honest, normal human beings with empathy can be so confused, doubting our perceptions as we would never want to hurt others intentionally. No, thank goodness our minds do not operate like their minds do.

For that reason we need to post on here and read the other posts as we then come to see our abusers’ patterns and behaviours. We then become stronger and slowly (with the right support) we gain strength to leave the abusive situation. We see through their tactics and learn how to apply the strategy of ‘no contact’ or absolute minimum contact (if we have children) with our abusers.

So sorry you had a bad experience with the Samaritan counsellor (it happened to me too, with counsellors, until I stumbled across this site). Also I know that feeling when my mind and emotions are in a mess after dealing with the abuser and the driving around not wanting to go home.

But you’re here now posting, in a safe place where we understand the dynamics of living with an abuser, we will support you, and your posts help us too. Keep posting.

[Ayanna]

So sorry. I had the same experiences. You are not alone in this. I do not like to talk too much on the phone with these helplines. I rather have face to face meetings. But they are very difficult to get. I find this forum really good. Maybe post here more. Can you get counselling? I know how impossible it is for some to get this, but still try. What also helps me sometimes is to write down what goes through my head. I am better able to make plans after writing down things.
I had a bad trigger two days ago and I am now writing pages over pages. It eases the stress and takes me out of these circular thoughts, although I am still scared and upset.
xxxxx

[godschild]

Samaritans vary so much, Ive had some pretty hopeless calls when all they do is make noises and not really enter into conversation, but have had some better ones, who do enter into what you say, others just repeat things over and over which are of no use and it feels like they are reading from a text book, always try them again as you may get a better one xx

[WanderingCloud]

That happened to me a few years back. I was at desperation point, non stop crying, feel really low so decided to give the samaritans a call but ended up feeling even worse. There was zero interation and whilst I know they are there to listen, you wnt some sort of recognition for how you are feeling. I may aswell have been speaking to the wall so ended up cutting the call short as I just didnt see the point.
Following that I went to see one of the GP’s at my doctors, again crying in the surgery, how was I to know I stumbled upon the hardest, coldest person you could ever meet. However, I perservered, went to see another doctor (male would you believe) who couldnt have been nicer, more understanding, supportive etc. I was then put intouch via a friend of an amazing therapist who I am still seeing.
Please do not give up reaching out, the ladies and their advice on this forum is exceptional. You are not alone and please do not think for one moment that you are corrosive, the truth is their are professional people out there who shouldn’t be doing the jobs but this is their own doing not anyone elses. We just have to reach out to where we know we will get the right support and this forum is definately one of them.
xx

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