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    • #56992
      Snyff
      Participant

      Hi all,

      I’m having a lot of trouble as my abusive ex lives in the same neighbourhood where I live and work (just streets away) my biggest fear has been to run into him, which has happened several times, most recently in (Detail removed by moderator) when he assaulted me outside my house (after which I got an injunction- which has now run out) and I ran into him again (Detail removed by moderator).

      I don’t live there anymore but still work in the area and have lots of ties which mean I am there often- my biggest fear when I am there is running into him and I’m sure other people have had to go through similar situations. I’m also very scared what this may mean for my recovery and my PTSD- I’ve been getting better but now I’m really concerned where this will leave me.

      Does anyone have any tips with staying safe and feeling safe?

    • #57051
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Snyff,

      Thank you for posting. It is understandable to hear how you are feeling about the risk of running into your ex after what you have been through. Have you spoken to your local support group or Victim Support for practical advice on staying safe? You can find your local support group here and Victim Support here including information on personal safety.

      Keep posting to us when you can.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #57076
      Snyff
      Participant

      Thanks Lisa, I had Victim Support after the assault in (Detail removed by moderator). And he didn’t *do* anything during these encounters- will victim support still offer support in this context?

    • #57105
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Snyff,

      It is certainly worth contacting them to discuss what they can offer as well as for advice on personal safety. Then if you do happen to see him you have some protection whether it is practically or psychologically.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa

    • #57115
      Good samaritan
      Participant

      I understand completely how you feel because my ex lives in the same neighbourhood as me. I have panic attacks every time I see a car like the one he drives because he almost writ me off trying to steel my phone in the street. He turned the tables on me and ended up getting a harassment warning out against me which is on my file indefinitely thanks to the police issuing it without investigation so I now have that added anxiety too. Stay strong please it’s the only thing we can do x*x

    • #57177
      Snyff
      Participant

      Thanks for the advice- I will pursue talking with Victim Support and see what they can offer.

      GS- take care and hold strong. It can be very hard not feeling safe in your own town/city- but we will get safer, we will survive and we will learn.

      x

    • #57178
      KIP.
      Participant

      Snyff, I’m having the same problem only he hides behind a pathetic little  business. I spoke to Victim Support who helped me through the trial but they say there’s nothing I can do. The police say he has permission to be at my neighbours and unless he looks in my window or comes to my door he’s not breaking the law. He parks where I have to drive past him, knowing it’s the only street into where I live. It’s setting my mental health back years and he may as well be punching me senseless because I become a stuttering wreck. I’m living away from my home for a few days to pick myself up. The trouble is I don’t want to move and if I do, he can use the same excuse. It’s the law that needs changing and he is the one with the criminal conviction and I’m the one having to move! Unbelievable.

    • #57209
      Good samaritan
      Participant

      Kip

      I totally agree with you. It is always the women that have to flee. I have lived here all my life and my ex came here from another part of the UK. My belief now is he saw me as an opportunity to better himself and runaway from his criminal past that I knew nothing about until he had moved in with just a bag of clothes to his name after only a brief encounter online and a few meetings. He literally swept me off my feet. As the years progressed that person vanished. Now I am the one having to flee him. It doesn’t seem fair at all that he has been allowed to break the conditions of his release and register and remain free with police protection. Yet I’m living in fear of him harming me and have nothing in place to protect me except a harassment warning against my name. It’s absolutely mind blowing having to go through the trauma of the relationship been abusive and then further trauma of having to leave loved ones behind.

    • #57253
      Snyff
      Participant

      Yep there doesn’t seem to be a balanced form of protection against this kind of issue from ‘non violent’ aggressions/presences which breach ‘safe spaces’ of where we live and work. I moved to that area after being told that my ex had left (by him) And then to find him still/having returned to it. His (Detail removed by moderator) magically on the same street as my house and it was outside my house I ran into him (Surprise!). Its F*****g weird/ creepy and its not OK, we as the victims of these situations should have a right to a easy quiet life.

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