Awful day.

[shine bright 2]

So talked to (detail removed by moderator). They have said he has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia which is why he’s in hospital rather than prison. I feel devastated. Like I should have seen it..I should have known and helped him. I can’t get my head round it. I used think he raped and beat cos he wasaid bad…but now it’s cos he’s I’ll and I started to feel so sorry from u him.
They are urging me to go through family cours to take away parental responsibility, but it seems wrong if he is ill. I feel pity for him.
The police collected a reference from my old employer. Normally in my job a.number of people would contribute information for the reference.but because of my circumstances it had to be done by only one extra person and it’s just so bland…it made me want to cry. Ten years at a job and I just got a few bland sentences. I feel so sad. I’ve been trying to be able to tell their psychologist what happened to me but I can’t. It just all make me feel like a failure so then I (detail removed by moderator) and I feel.like more of a failure. Just want to cry and cry and cry.

[Serenity]

Hi Shine Bright,

It doesn’t matter what his diagnosis is. What matters is how you were treated.

That man put you through the most dreadful things. You couldn’t have helped him, however hard you’d tried. In fact, the harder you tried, the more he abused you. No one should ever have to suffer what you did.

Someone can have a diagnosis: that doesn’t automatically mean they aren’t wilfully abusive and manipulative.

You / we could never have been the solution to these abusers’ issues. Tolerating the abuse just delayed them taking responsibility for their issues. You speaking out has led to him getting a diagnosis, and that is a good thing, as maybe he will get some help.

Hugs x

[freedomtochoose]

Hello shine bright 2,
So sorry your day has been tough. This could happen to any one of us. I want to say the same I would say if it happened to my child. I wanted to say I am very proud of you.
Proud.

You are on your way to dealing with this situation. You have been incredibly brave and previous poster is completely right, just because someone has a diagnosis doesn’t make them honest and caring.

Of course, I do not want to go anywhere near giving advice, but what i can see is the information that has been offered to you …i.e. to go to court and take p.r. away – looks as if it would save you and your kids so much distress in the years going forward. I’m sure there are many of us who would confirm how difficult and stressful it is managing contact with someone who is consistently manipulative and downright cruel. As tough as it is now, hon, I can see that might make space for you going forward and this course of action has been suggested for a reason.
all best
ftc

[Lisa]

Hi Shine Bright,

I’m sorry to hear how this news has made you feel. Mental health is never a justification for domestic and sexual violence. Even if a perpetrator has a mental illness, there is NEVER an excuse for abuse. Abuse is a choice someone makes in order to maintain power and control over a partner.

As others have mentioned, removing his PR should help to keep you and your children safe. Having a mental health issue and being an abusive man makes him more of a risk. He doesn’t deserve your compassion.

Take care and keep posting.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[shine bright 2]

Thanks everyone. I do understand what u say. It’s just very confusing. I keep going through in my head each thing he did and wondering if the illness made him do it or if he did. I guess.u can have a voice or an idea to do something terrible but you still have to make the choice to actually do it.
It’s seems so harsh to take away someone’s rights as a parent cos they are ill. If someone couldn’t care for their kids cos they had MS or something you wouldn’t just gave them away.
I don’t know. I just feel very down. I guess in a way things are coming to a final conclusion. That’s good but hard because he is the kids dad.

[Ayanna]

Do not feel sorry for him.
What if they diagnose him and the diagnosis is wrong?
Abusers are controlling and manipulating.
I have seen abusers diagnosed with conditions they do not have. They have lots of support usually and get good advice. Remember, he is in jail and does not want to be there. He needs to make his life more comfortable and for sure a mental health diagnosis is very helpful for this intention.

It is very important that he loses access to your children. Men like him can kill easily. Please take the advice to take sole custody of your children!

Regarding your job situation I can fully understand how difficult that is. Ten years just wiped off. I hope you get this added to your pension years though.

[shine bright 2]

I don’t know Ayanna. They say he was diagnosed by three psychiatrists. Its easy go have resolve when you hare someone and think that theyre terrible. Its harder if u start to feel sorry for them. I know I have to put kids safety first… Just struggling g with it all.

I’m not even sure I I have a pension… Stopped payi g when I was broke. Because of the position I’m in they have told me not to even list the address of previous employers. Reference is not even allowed to be on headed paper …..how the hell am I ever going to get a job. They said they would help.. Bit who wants that.

[Author]

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