Awful evening

[Buddy]

Hi , he feels I am not pulling my weight at home .. I am doing the basics , cooking food , emptying recycling , dishwasher , hoovering downstairs , but I haven’t been my really switched on and some things have not been done .. clothes being put away etc as I am feeling in a fog and not concentrating on what needs doing ( mainly cause of his abuse when I have spent time with friends and partly covid )
It is my (detail removed by moderator) so I asked him if we can talk to get rid of this awful atmosphere between us .. I said we can never talk without you shouting so can we just try !
It ended up him shouting to me about what I don’t do and how much he is doing ( he has been doing lots of Diy and working from home also helping daughter with home schooling )
I do feel that he takes over everything and always has , so after all these years used to him doing everything aswell
After a load of abuse .. I replied can I have my say now .. he screamed .. I have finished yet , don’t interrupt me .. that’s what I have to live with all the time with you interrupting and wanting to have your say .. (detail removed by moderator)
he continued to put me down and was over powering I just ended up keeping quiet and out of his way upstairs .. I fear he may start throwing things..
it sounds like a normal argument but I was completley over powered by him and now starting to believe the things he is saying !!

 

[Wants To Help]

Buddy, I’ve just put a couple of posts on another thread by Happiermex called Need Some Kind Advice where I’ve explained the Domestic Abuse Pyramid from Denial to Recovery. Have a quick read through that and see if any of it resonates with you.

[Buddy]

Thank u xx

[Buddy]

This does resonate with me unfortunatley .. that has helped make things clearer .. thank u xx

[Anonymous]

He’s abusive, wayyy over into that category big time. A bully. Seems right proud of himself. I wouldn’t try and talk at all now. For what? He thinks this or that? Have my opinions too. Put him on ignore. Starve him of the pleasure he gets from hurting you.

[Buddy]

It’s my (detail removed by moderator)… after last night he has come up to me giving me a big kiss for my (detail removed by moderator) , told me I don’t look my age etc etc .. then said I don’t want to argue I just get frustrated .. I have taken on way too much with doing work in house etc .. nobody does all the work I do ( which is true) as the work he has done on house has been massive !
I am going with flow for easy life and it’s (detail removed by moderator) .. but I am now thinking this is part of the circle .. or maybe he is genuine ? After all nobody is perfect right ?
Confused.com

[Balloons]

Hi Buddy, (detail removed by moderator)!! I totally get where you’re coming from, and what you describe could have been taken from one of the many situations I found myself in too, he is saying and behaving in exactly the same way as my ex used to. Including the being nice bit too. It is a massive head-f**k and it is 100% part of the cycle. What always played on my mind was how I really believed he wasn’t aware of what was happening, like to him he was just a bit upset about something and maybe I was being oversensitive or overreacting because its all just magically gone away. But that’s the thing, it hasn’t gone away, it’s just bubbling under the surface waiting for the next opportunity to put you down and intimidate you for whatever reason he deems acceptable. None of it is okay. At least he is being “nice” today and I really hope you manage to have a lovely (detail removed by moderator), just wanted to share with you that your post really resonated with me xx

[Buddy]

Ballons , Than you for your message .. it’s the worst feeling ever as he is being so normal , it does make you think oh he is really lovely really 😬
The thing is for me is the cycle isn’t regular he is good more than he is bad which is why I stay put , as I think it’s easier than splitting and all the stress that comes with this 😬

[Balloons]

Hi Buddy, just watch out for that balance tipping – it can happen without you really noticing. And then seemingly out of nowhere it seems all bad and no good, but now you’re even more invested. Any level of intimidation or abuse is not acceptable … just be careful xx

[Buddy]

Thanks Balloons .. will take what you have said on board .. I just wish I could get rid of this tummy churning and shaky feeling .. not really eating properly either .. need to look after my own health xx

[Author]

Posts