Hi
Just know that you’re really not on your own. I login here when I can’t cope, which seems to be quite a lot just now because I know what’s coming. You can’t change what’s in your head but you can get support and knowing others are/have experienced the same thing and that support may help you deal with things better.
We get you! You are obv very low now. Please try to talk to someone. You know the numbers. Give them a call.
Thinking of you x