back in another cycle of abuse for half a week

[lover of no contact]

There’s a cycle of abuse going on in my workplace. There are so many bullies I am in contact with in this place. I only work part-time but even only being back in the cycle of abuse for half the week and half a day on those days is wearing me out.

It bothers me that I have only ever lived one year in my whole life not in a cycle of abuse with someone.

I have been in a cycle of abuse with my abuser-mum for a couple of decades. I then had this one golden year abuse free. Then I met my abuser-ex.

This led to another couple of decades back into a cycle of abuse.

To leave my abuser-ex and be financially self-supporting for my children and I, I started work outside the home in a certain place. unbeknown to be back into another cycle of abuse with me as one of the targets. This is because I wouldn’t join the ranks of the flying monkeys (abuser’s army). The boss is an abuser and so are some of my colleagues. The other workers have joined ranks with the boss (I used to get on really well with them, that has changed, they are under her control) and I am in the role of scapegoat, along with one or two others.

I try and do grey-rock. I rarely react but the psychological abuse, silent treatments, blaming, hostility, walking on egg-shells and extensive work-load for me, is my daily diet when there. Then there are the non-abusive moments which stops me from looking for a job elsewhere.

I know I need to go as its me wearing me out and I feel I’m losing my spark and its affecting my days off. I’d like to know what its like to live from week to week without being in a cycle of abuse with only encountering abusers here and there but with no prolonged time with them.

I find it very hard to let go and move on. I need to get out from this work-place its toxic yet I love the actual work, the hours, the commute everything and the other non-abusive people.

But having to have contact with the actively abusing work colleagues is taking its toll on me.

[Jupiter]

Hi Lover..contact

It must feel as if you are trapped. And yes it does feel as if abusers are on every corner including work.

Reading your post I notice you want to escape and have some doubt but you have answered this in a way via words like

‘toxic’ and ‘wearing you out’ having contact with fellow workers.If you choose to leave your job would it be possible to

find work in a different setting with less human contact for some protection? Maybe seek out career advice? When I

have doubts about something I write down two columns on a bit of paper: advantages of work one side and disadvantages on the other.It is simple but allows you to see if one side dominates the other.Getting the issue
on paper clears the doubts in your head.
It sounds as if you need to take action because the abusers are affecting your health.
I hope you find a solution soon with help and feel better about the work situation.
Jupiter

[Author]

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