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He broke no contact the other day and I told him to leave me alone. He was never the outwardly aggressive type, more the quiet brooding hatred type, very covert, very manipulative, used a lot of silent treatment and staring at me in a way that terrified me. He has never threatened, stalked or harassed me, but I know he has harassed other exes and shown up at their doors and stuff.
I started feeling better and less fearful after a while of no contact, I thought he was well gone, but now he has reached out I’m back to fearing for my life again. Right after we split I slept with a poker by my bed. There aren’t any obvious signs he’s going to do anything, but he knows where I live and where I like to spend time in my city. I worry he’s just gonna snap one day and show up and do something. I know statistically the vast majority of women murdered by their partners/exes are killed within the first year – I find myself thinking I just need to get through this year and I’ll most likely be okay.
Does anyone else worry about this even though their ex isn’t constantly harassing or stalking? Knowing he has a history with these things worries me. In one way I kind of wish he wasn’t so quiet, because I don’t know what’s going on inside him and that scares me. In another way I’m glad he’s not bothering me too much. It’s conflicting.
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Hi Fika,
The answer is yes! People worry about their lives. People who have been abused or are abused, fear for their lives. What you feel is perfectly natural and normal, and fear is sometimes good, you know. Remember that it is the fear that keeps you alive. A healthy dose of fear acts as a survival instinct and can alert you to potential dangers and motivate you to take precautions to stay safe, essentially keeping you alive.
But, please be safe! And always take precautions!
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