Back to normal after I’ve had surgery

[Shecando]

Hi there

I had emergency surgery (detail removed by moderator) weeks ago. Husband has done well supporting me with meals and cups of tea etc. There have been the odd snipey comments which I’ve had to ignore but now I’m more mobile and around a lot more he seems off with me and annoyed at my presence. It’s difficult to explain. (detail removed by moderator) I had hoped he would have understood instead he replied well that’s a first not saying things in front of him/ he said he couldn’t understand why I hadn’t told him but I was happy to snap at him. Apparently one of my answers to him was  snappy and he hoped things weren’t going back to my normal ways .  Now, he has been snappy at me at times and that seems to be okay. He was frustrated when I came home from hospital as I accidentally knocked something over (detail removed by moderator) He isn’t talking to me (detail removed by moderator) , very short , not helping around the house anymore and telling me if I could do (detail removed by moderator). It’s all rather confusing. As an aside , our son seemed happier when I was upstairs resting as his dad wasn’t getting onto me . (detail removed by moderator) he was anxious as he could tell his dad was off . He said he wanted some return  for his efforts which seemed an odd thing to say considering I’d had surgery.
He was complaining about (detail removed by moderator) I would have liked him to have said let me do that but instead ranted that he didn’t want any of it was going to be watery and he’d do his own.
I get the feeling he’s happier without me around as he feels in control and when I’m around he tries to control me.
He has also slept downstairs which I understood at the beginning as he didn’t want to knock me but is still there even though I’ve suggested he comes back up. I’m getting anxious now as now I’m on the mend I’ll probably start to get text messages again to say what I’ve done to annoy him.
Any advice ? It’s hard enough when you’re recovering

[Lisa]

Hi Shecando,

Thank you for your post. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. This is a lot for you to be dealing with right now. You shouldn’t have to be second guessing yourself and worrying about any messages that he will send you- how he is going to react. It sounds like as you have been recovering his behaviour has been escalating and that is concerning. As you mentioned this may be about control for him. You are not responsible for his behaviour and its not okay that he is treating you in this way.

Best Wishes

Lisa

[Author]

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