Bad day

[Cupcake123]

Hi, I just need to vent really as I have no one else to talk to about this. We had a few drinks at home (detail removed by Moderator) all was going well until he switched one minute nice then telling me to shut up go to sleep calling me all sorts of names telling me how he was going to punch me in the face to give me something to cry about this is after I went down stairs to sleep and he kicked me in the lady area apparently he didn’t do this. Even after al of this happening during the night I still got up and made him breakfast etc the only words I got (detail removed by Moderator) was swearing at me again then silent treatment all day during work he comes home I thought I’d be the bigger person and say hi as I don’t want to argue I’m already lonely and unhappy this won’t help he ignores me then says he doesn’t want to talk to me telling me how he hates my guts and I’m disrespectful because if he says don’t speak or answer back then I shouldn’t then stormed off out the house. I just sat and cried I’m not saying this for sympathy but because I’m so unhappy and I just feel like I’ll never know what it’s like to be in a loving relationship as sad as that sounds! I don’t understand what I did to deserve this treatment i do everything for him I basically put for the whole house and everything else I always forgive him but any time he is in a mood or I look the wrong way then it’s straight to threatening to hurt me how can someone be like that I really do not understand. So whenever he comes back I’ll be punished with silent treatment all night I’m scared to leave because I’m also scared of being on my own even though this life with him is not enjoyable at all I know it sounds stupid. Thanks for letting me vent.

[Put the kettle on]

Hi, you did absolutely nothing to deserve being treated like that. He is an abusive person and will blame anyone and anything other than himself.
Please contact your GP, the police, local domestic abuse charities, women’s aid. Reach out, help is out there, people want to help you.
He has threatened to hurt you, actually hurt you and treating you very bad. I was worried about being on my own too, it’s an adjustment at first but on the tough days I remind myself I’d rather be alone than with him.

[Anonymous]

Cupcake123 you did nothing to deserve this treatment,abusers don’t need a reason to abuse, they just need a person, someone usually with the opposite traits to theirs, someone empathetic, forgiving, taking responsibility for they’re partners abuses, highly tolerant and compliant at some point he may have made you believe or maybe you believe, you won’t manage on your own or that you need him or that no one else will want you but that’s what abuse is designed to do to keep you there, we’ve all been there when we feel so afraid of separation or the illogical waning them back in the break/make up cycle and your not ready for separation, we get that, but at some point you have to love,respect and protect the person that should matter the most in your life ‘you’ 💖💘💖

[Cupcake123]

Thank you both for your replies sorry I haven’t been on sooner I’ve been really stressed I know what you’re saying is right it just hard to make any moves etc because I’m scared of being on my own even if he is making me unhappy and sad all the time

[Bananaboat]

Don’t be scared to be on your own, that’s the affects of the abuse talking. You didn’t deserve this and I can totally relate to the Jekyll/Hyde treatment when he’s drinking, I get exactly the same and it’s heartbreaking because you know what’s coming next. It’s not east to leave I’m one of many on here still on that journey, but baby steps to regain your life help. Read ‘Living with the Dominator’ and ‘Why does he do that’both free on internet and you’ll probably recognise a lot more behaviours and help you see it’s not your doing. I used to cry alone too but now I think great, I withdraw myself rather than waiting for him to leave and have time to watch something on Netflix on my phone alone without his criticism. It’s hard, but never think you deserve this.

[nbumblebee]

Ahhh sweetie you are most certainly not alone. I couldve written this myself.
Listen to these ladies take their advice and keep yourself safe. Hugs x

[Highway61]

Absolutely, you are not alone, what you have described is so familiar to me. You said ‘I am not saying this for sympathy but because I am so unhappy’. Why wouldn’t someone who is so unhappy (because they are being treated so horribly) deserve our sympathy?
It takes a long time to work out if/how/when/why to leave. That feeling of loneliness can come from being isolated by his behaviour. I have to tell you, I have been lonely since I’ve left my husband but that loneliness is a symptom of the abuse. Abusers will isolate you and make you feel undeserving of love and attention and that any love and attention you ask for is somehow some indication of your own selfishness – of course, this is a lie and of course, a person who has been treated that way by someone who they love, will be lonely and isolated. The best thing about leaving is that I have the choice and the freedom and the support to know that I don’t have to feel lonely forever. The fact that you are here on this forum already means that you are hoping for somewhere safer and more nurturing and somewhere where you are heard. Imagine this space if it were not online, but in real life, perhaps even in your own home. Imagine that place not having to be secret, somewhere you could stay all day, not having to steal snippets of time. Imagine the names you speak to on this forum being real people, who you are close to, who care for you and who make time for you every day. My ex-husband used to tell me that I was imagining things, that the real world isn’t kind or happy and that I am deluded – but I’m out now and I can you tell you – he was lying to me.

[Cupcake123]

Thank you all so much for your replies we had a fight (detail removed by Moderator) he slapped me pushed me around and I told him to leave I took every single thing of his from the house and left now I feel lost as sad as that sounds I haven’t cried which is weird maybe I’m in shock I don’t really know how to feel that fact he has gone for good this time I know I’ll miss him as stupid as that sounds I just feel alone right now

[Cupcake123]

Anyone that is here to talk today would be great

[Lisa]

Hi Cupcake123,

I wanted to see how you are doing? I am sorry to hear about what has happened, are you safe at the moment? If you would like to talk things through and discuss your options then a Women’s Aid worker is available via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Please do keep reaching out- we are here for you.

Take care,

Lisa

[Author]

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