Bad day ..

[Rebuilding]

Today is one of those days, I still feel the need to run. Nothing’s happened today but it’s in my head. Everything I do just goes back to it. i just feel like I’m drowning in my own life. I’ve ignored him for days but until a few months ago I had ignored him for years. How did I let him back into my life. Why can’t I just be free and get on with my life!

[Serenity]

Hi Rebuilding,

This shows how any contact with them is just toxic.

You’ve done it before- you can do it again. Cut off all contact. He deserves to be ignored and made to feel invisible.

You will get there. I know how you are feeling: ‘drowning in my own life’ is a good description. Little by little, up you will get your strength back, but he needs to be pushed very far away from you X

[SaharaD]

Yup I feel like that even though I’m no contact for years. I feel so stuck. I want to do things but I just have lots of obstacles in my way and I know it stems from what he did and the fallout from that.

I still have anger and fears and apathy type mood swings and thoughts. I’m going to a therapy group to try to fix things but even that is hard.

[Healthyarchive]

I feel the same, I am right now on holiday in a beautiful tropical location but all I feel is deep sadness that we have split,the last tropical sunset I looked at was with him, not alone with a broken heart. 😥😣😣

[Rebuilding]

@healthyarchive it’s hard to admit that my hearts still broken from him. I should be free of this hurt but it feels like that will never happen now

[Millionpieces]

Hi,
When I feel so empty most of time, I feel big hole missing in my life. I miss my abuser so much I always wish things are different but I can’t change what happen. Even if we get back together what will change? I still going to be miserable.

[Rebuilding]

@millionpieces honestly I spent years wanting him back in my life. I finally built a life I was learning to love and the back he came. And when he’s around life just goes back to being a mess. I forget how my own brain works. I forget all sense of sanity. Why let someone who would happily swing at you alone with you after all this time of being free. Truth is there is no How to for this. We make our own recovery choices because no one else will ever understand. That how the abusers become so strong, because we don’t know how to cope. I just want to be a confident happy person. But currently I’m scared of my own shadow, and I just miss having someone there to share my life with. Isolated and alone in suffering isnt nice.

[Author]

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