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My ex has been ringing my son’s school every week to talk to his teacher about how he’s getting on. This irritates me as he could just ask me but he likes to be in control. This has made me feel a bit worried that he’s going to get the school on his side somehow as he can come come across as very friendly and everyone gets on with him so I feel like I’ll look like the unreasonable one by saying anything bad.
Anyway I’ve just had a call from the school to say my son has been nominated for star of the week so i can go and watch him in assembly which is great but im sat here now worried that they may have called him too so am I going to turn up for assembly tomorrow and hes there. I dont want to have to see or deal with him, todays been a bad day I’ve felt low and my anxiety is bad. He’s txt me about having our children overnight and I haven’t answered him yet so he’s txt me again with two question marks. Just that puts me on edge. I want to ring the school and ask if they’ve told him but im afraid I’ll just get upset about it on the phone.I spoke to a support line on Tuesday about mediation and what to do if i want to go down the legal route and the lady said i can ask the school not to ring him or tell him anything or to at least check with me first. Is this right? I just constantly think he’s right because hes always made it that way. I dont want to say this to the school and they say well because he has parental responsibility they can’t not tell him etc.
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I think it would be hard for school not to talk to him if there’s no injunction in place since he has parental responsibility.
You can explain your side to them but to be honest they’re powerless to reguse hin unless child suffering. It’s ***** awful sharing your child’s successes while fighting the urge to throw up or scream as dad is in same room. Parents evening a problem too – some schools wont do separate times for parents.
I think school should know what’s going on – class teacher probably best or if you want common sense and to be taken seriously ask who the safeguarding lead person is and ask to talk to them as at least they should have an idea of implications of abusive relationships on children.
Be proud of your child! They’re obviously doing great at school xxxx -
Hello, itsmylife, sorry you’re going through this. If your ex is on the child’s birth certificate, school does have to keep him informed, unless there is an injunction in place. BUT… school must not talk to him about YOU. They might well need a word from you, as there may be cosy assumptions about happy co-parenting unless you tell them different. The ex may be cleverly chatting as if you and he are on trusted terms.
One thing I can tell you is that any school, any teacher, will quickly get fed up with a parent demanding lengthy one-to-one meetings on a weekly or daily basis! The average in a class is 30-odd – what if everyone wanted this? Teachers already have more than enough to do.
If you tell the head – I’d write – that your ex is an ex because he abused you and that you have minimal contact with him and that you have concerns that he may try use conversations about your child to discover confidential information about YOU, they will have to watch their words. Ask them to make everyone aware that your circumstances and parenting are not for discussion with him.
They will all have had safe-guarding training so a letter should do the trick and put them on their guard.
Flower x
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Sorry, I have to disagree with Tprevious poster and have some experience on this one having been a parent governor of a primary school for two years or more.
It depends on staff and the head teacher’s judgement also.
I would ask for a meeting with the head, go straight to the top.
Ask for your child’s records using a Freedon of Information act request. You do not have to give a reason. For background on this find the book ‘your right to know’ which was written by the journalist who uncovered the M.P’s expenses scandal.
They will not give you safeguarding info but you will see your child’s file and will get to know it.
ftc
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I would write to them, setting it out very clearly, as they have to respond to written requests and statements, and it creates an auditable paper-trail, in case something arises in future.
They cannot ignore your letter, and things can be miscontrued in meetings, or later referred to as not having been asked/discussed/advised, etc. I have had to write to school in similar terms, but there are policies governing schools and their safeguarding of children and all staff and parents.
I ended up writing to the head school governor before getting any sense and action, all my verbal communications were ‘forgotten’, ‘not followed up’, and so on.
Get your situation on record, and have a meeting with the class teacher also, if you feel that would be positive and beneficial. I was lucky with one teacher who could see that child was suffering and was an amazing support to us.
Also, just because he has been abusive in sending you demands for a reply, doesn’t mean you have to reply because you are scared. He has no right to demand responses from you, you might be out, or sleeping! or just ignoring things all night to have a break, you are allowed, you have that right.
Don’t reply to him, whilst you get busyjust focussing on this issue, one thing at a time. When you have this resolved, you can contact him and say you weren’t able to arrange anything before but now you are free to set something up (if you are!).
warmestwishes ts
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