Bad dream

[iwillbeok]

Dreamed of him last night – he wanted to buy a different car but there was no money in the bank but there should have been. I was trying to hide it from him.

First time in ages that I’ve dreamt at all. Woke up feeling guilty, uncomfortable, scrutinised, anxious.

I’ve walked around today with an edge-of-panic, anxious knot in my belly. I’m hungry but can’t face eating. My usual breathing exercises aren’t working. Hope no-one in work asks how I am – likely to burst into tears.

I tell myself this will pass. It has before. It just sucks when you’re in it…

Just needed to tell someone who understands..

Iwillbeok x

[Janedoeissad]

I thought about him for a bit too long on the drive to work this morning, now I feel sad, p****d off and a bit anxious. I want to be alone but here I am in work.

I feel like s**t. I get more frustrated then because this is his fault.

I’ve decided to keep my head down til home time and I’ve booked half day off tomorrow for some me time. I feel better already as I am planning what I will be doing.

I feel your pain, big hugs xx

[Freedomfighter]

Hi I willibeok
I totally get what you are going through. I’m suffering badly with my nerves at the moment. My usual relaxation techniques were making me feel worse not better. I woke from a vivid nightmare of him pinning me down and… well you know. I fell on the floor in my panic to get away from him but when I put the light on there was no one there. I was too scared to go back to sleep, was having palpitations the whole works. None of my usual techniques were working so I wrote it all out- the nightmare, what happened after etc and had a good son and let it out, wrapped myself up in a fleece with a hot water bottle and eventually fell asleep. I felt awful with a banging headache the next day feeling jumpy and restless as you described, sick with nerves etc. I played some of my favourite CDs singing along probably terribly out of tune (the dog certainly wasn’t happy!) and got stuck into some long overdue cleaning. I was totally exhausted by the evening and watching TV because I was scared to go to sleep incase it happened again. I fell asleep anyway and it didn’t happen again. At least not the next night. The tablets I’m on give me very vivid, realistic feeling dreams and sometimes nightmares. That’s life! But the point I was making is that some sort of physical exertion and a positive distraction like loud music to sing along to can sometimes help. Also talking to a counsellor can be helpful if you can afford one privately or ask to be referred by your GP. I’m still waiting in the queue, but the ladies on the helplines are absolutely brilliant as a stop gap. I’ve been really lucky, most of the time when I phoned I got straight through, although it’s often late at night when I’ve rung up.
I hope tomorrow is a better day. Try experimenting with different techniques, lavender essential oil in a hot bath often works for me. A walk somewhere where there is grass and trees, or sometimes just a good sob to let out all my pent up stress helps. I usually feel pretty lousy, but exhausted and calmer with a banging headache, then I sleep.
I’ve also found that taking note of how I’m feeling regularly and trying to de-stress when I feel it building up rather than waiting until it’s out of control is helpful (when I remember to do it!) 😊
Good luck
Sending you hugs

[iwillbeok]

Thank you both for your replies. I’m feeling really tired and drained but not as anxious as I was. I have recently had a big clear out of stuff and I think this is my brain processing the guilt and “what if’s” of throwing out stuff he may ask for in the divorce. But I refuse to live in a museum to my broken abusive marriage in case he wants the wine glasses and he sure as heck isn’t getting any pics of us together!

I hope you enjoy you’re half day Janedoe and do some really nice things for yourself.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such horrible nightmares/flashbacks Freedomfighter. But you’ve given me some good ideas. My exercise has fallen off again and I do feel so much better when I do. I had to smile about the dog not appreciating your singing!

I’m getting really bored of thinking about him and how he’s affected/affecting my life. And then I get frustrated with myself for getting frustrated that I’m not moving on fast enough! Argh! Having said that – it did feel really good to clear out more baggage (physical) and now I need to take a breather to shift the emotional baggage that came from stirring it all up again.

Iwillbeok xx

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