Bad dreams

[Tiffany]

Since Christmas I have been having dreams about my abuser every night. Some are proper nightmares, but mostly he is just there. An unsettling presence. During the day everything is going well. I am happy and confident. I know I made the right descision to leave. But the nights are starting to really get to me. I don’t know what to do.

[duvetday]

hey Tiffany, sorry to hear this 🙁 I have the exact same thing… I was just reading something yesterday that said that when we have bad dreams it’s our sub-conscious processing things that we’ve experienced.. Personally I think this might be true..? Some people find writing their dreams/nightmares down helps. I don’t know what else helps really cos I am struggling with the same thing.. But hopefully it is just part of the healing process for us. I’m sure that the bad dreams will lessen over time. x

[Tiffany]

I think it is probably our subconscious working through the big momentous stuff of a new year without abuse. Which I have steadfastly been trying to ignore. It’s just another day, right? Only it isn’t. I have also realised that I am dreading my upcoming birthday. It was something my abuser worked hard to ruin for me. And I want to reclaim it but I don’t know how.

[KIP.]

Hey Tiffany, sleep problems seem to be the final hurdle for me. I think with time and councelling we can rationalise and distract our thoughts during the day but at night there are no distractions. I would say keep listening and practice relaxation techniques. As for your birthday. Do something just for you. I kept mine really low key but went for a massage which is what I enjoy. When I was with my abuser I used to cry myself to sleep every birthday. I wonder if I felt so unworthy of the love and presents given to me by family and friends. Didn’t do it last year for the first time. Things will get better x

[wheredoibegin]

My dreams are the same, usually he’s just in them, not really doing anything but just there, and I find it hard to sleep. I’m fast asleep really quick but then up every hour or so and feel worn out when it time get up again. I’m hoping over time It will get easier. X

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Tiffany,

I get the impression that since leaving you have fully embraced your freedom and have took great leaps finding a good job, socialising and dating, but perhaps you haven’t had chance to process and mourn all of the pain of the relationship? This could be why it is coming out in your dreams. At the moment I am the opposite, I spend my days thinking about and mourning the relationship when I wish I could think about other things, but I am not having nightmares because I am exhausted by the time the night arrives. I am doing things like video journals, painting, even writing poems in the dayetc. It sounds like the trauma you went through needs some kind of outlet and that could be in a variety of ways. I agree that starting with writing down the dreams (or drawing them) helps, you could try keeping a dream notepad next to your bed.

[Tiffany]

I am interested to hear that so many of you have similar dreams. I don’t even know what I could write down about them. He is just there. In the background, or on the sidelines. I quite often remember dreams vividly, but these ones fade incredibly quickly and just leave the impression that he was there. I think that you are right SunshineRainflower, in thinking that maybe it is because I haven’t fully processed what happened or dealt with it emotionally. I have finally managed to make an appointment with the local women’s aid worker, so I am hoping that might help.

[Ayanna]

I have frequent nightmares about the ex abuser.
The trauma just sits very deep.

[iwillbeok]

I had some dreams about him in the early days of separation. Not scary, he was just there. I have never usually remembered my dreams. I haven’t lately either but have woken up and realised I had been crying in my sleep…

I haven’t been able to go to counselling on account of Christmas and I wonder if it’s becauae I need the realease that counselling has been giving me?

XX

[Benson]

I have had vivid nightmares since I have left, often wake up screaming, which can then often wake up my young child to. It then panics me as I don’t want to go back to sleep. I have found writing down these dreams have helped and when they are particularly bad I sit and listen to relaxation music for a bit before going back to sleep. They seem to be particularly bad around anniversaries or if there has been a trigger during the day.

[Author]

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