Bad experience with therapy, feeling low

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi everyone,

I’m trying to get some therapy in place but I am finding it hard to find a suitable therapist, and have had a bad experience today trying to sort it out.

I met one therapist connected to one organisation and just didn’t feel she was someone I could talk to openly, she seemed like a nice person but was not very down to earth so I didn’t feel I could talk openly with her, and she spent ages going on about all the protocol which I know already having already had a lot of therapy in the past for a different issue.

At the same time I was referred to a specialist women’s charity and decided to go with them instead as I felt they’d be better equipped at helping me.

Unfortunately I’m not feeling too hopeful that their therapist can help me either. She is very young and I just feel so awkward and embarassed talking about issues like sex with her. She also clock watches a lot and seems a bit distracted in sessions, and asks questions that make me question whether she has understood what I’ve said like she wasn’t listening properly?

I spoke to the manager at the charity today about the age issue and she just seemed so angry with me! I’m an intuitive person and often pick up feelings and vibes about people and places that usually end up being right. I could just feel so much underlying anger in her behind a fake smile. She was quite aggressive with me, didn’t acknowledge that not every therapist is suitable for every client, questioned one of my previous diagnosis, and implied I should have already dealt with certain issues as I had therapy before. (I wanted to deal with these issues but because it was CBT I wasn’t allowed to which is why I sought out help from this organisation). She even accused me of making a snap judgement about the age of the therapist on her appearance. It was like she wasn’t taking my concern on board at all and was instead very irritated and angered by it and thought I was a spoilt brat for even bringing it up. I think it’s quite normal for people to feel comfortable with a certain type of therapist ie older and male, older and female or whatever it is that feels safest to you and I don’t think it’s bad to request a therapist you feel comfortable with???

I know I have an issue with my own age which contributes to this but I still can’t help but wonder if an older therapist would still be better for me.

I’m just wondering now whether the whole organisation is not for me now. I’m so disappointed at her underlying aggression, when she is meant to provide support and understanding and set an example being in a position of such power. Maybe she thinks I’m spoilt and fussy, but if she does, she’s not going to be able to help me as she’s already judged me negatively.

It would be great to hear your thoughts and advice, I feel so lost about it as I was so badly want help to heal the traumas I have experienced and never expected to experience such negativity from an organisation that is designed to help people. I access some of their other services and feel sad now that I might have to stop going because I feel like this manager for whatever reason doesn’t like me and has a lot of underlying aggression.

[Confused123]

HI Hun

Go with your gut, if u felt u could not talk to this lady thats fine, we all connect with certain people and open up to certain people, i would ask to be refered again to a different threapist, speak to your gp. I would of complained too, doesnt matter if the manager didint like your comments,

[KIP.]

I hate to say this but all my experiences with therapists were awful until I paid privately. Including the clock watching which is just unprofessional and torture. Also, interrupting mid sentence to tell me my time was up when it took me ages to have the courage to talk about my abuse. Therapists leaving after only a few sessions, i didnt want to start again with a stranger. I went to my GP and told her I wanted a therapist with experience of domestic abuse, long term sexual abuse, PTSD, mental and emotional abuse etc and she told me this was not available on the NHS. She did find me a wonderful private therapist. Ive spent over £1,000 on therapy with her but its been worth every single penny.

[SunshineRainflower]

Thanks Confused and Kip.

Confused – I was thinking exactly that, that I need to go with my gut because I rationalised my bad gut feelings with my ex and they turned out to be right. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt from experiencing an abusive relationship it is to always, always, always trust my gut, so I’m practising listening to it each day now and following what it says.

Kip – I think I would also get more what I needed if I paid, the trouble is I’m currently job seeking, so I literally can’t afford it at the moment, and not sure I ever will be able to. I’ve found another local women’s service which is free and have referred myself to that, so I will see how that goes. There is also contribution based therapy where you pay in line with your income so that could be a third option.

I’m still in shock, confused and horrified thinking about how this charity manager spoke to me today, and the level of anger/hostility in her voice and face and body language was shocking and alarming. It seems that she just really doesn’t like me and I have no idea why, she is really nice to the other ladies there so it’s really upsetting that she is like this with me, especially since I’m also struggling with an emotionally abusive family, recovering from an abusive relationship and am finding that some of my friends that I reconnected with recently have become critical, bossy and controlling of me.

Sometimes I just think ‘maybe I’m an awful, terrible person’ because certain people seem to get angry with me, but it seems to be when I don’t do what they want, and refuse to be controlled? It seems to be when I follow my gut and assert my boundary that they don’t like it. I’ve been bossed around, bullied and controlled by various people since birth and I have absolutely 100% had enough.

I guess it just means I’ll have to be lonely and unsupported a lot of the time which feels incredibly sad. It feels like my options are either a) get support but be bossed around, bullied and controlled or b) get little to no support but have my freedom and not have to deal with abusive controlling people.

I really hope I can find a therapist who can help me, in the past I have worked with some really good ones so there must be some more good ones out there.

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