Bad memories

[blaa]

Hi I haven’t been on here for a while I got out of abusive relationship several years ago and he is now in prison but I still get flashbacks and memories all the time I think I’m ok then I remember something t flashback and I feel so upset and panic and I feel like it was all my fault and maybe something is wrong with me because no man has ever loved me I worry I’m unlovable to men, my daughter loves me but she know no different but I feel so ugly and repulsive and boring and a freak and all the things he said maybe it’s true why no man ever loved me or wanted me I’m arty I just feel so upset and have no one to talk to don’t want to sound selfish i know I’m lucky to be free from him physically but mentally I feel like he’s still in there, thanks for reading

[KIP.]

Hello blaa, please believe there is nothing wrong with you. Abusers sap your self esteem and confidence and it can take years to heal. Concentrate on yourself and your daughter. When you heal yourself you will be open to another relationship. Our abusers love for us to have no confidence in ourselves so that we need them more. Be patient and try to enjoy the peace.

[determined survivor]

blaa, I understand what you are feeling. I have been feeling the same thing the last few months. It’s like the flashback or nightmare puts me in the same emotional state I was when it happened. It then makes it easier to blame myself. Something that has helped me recently is talking with a close friend about the things I have been through. She lets me share as much or as little as I am able to at that time, and she just listens. I don’t like talking about it, but I have found that I am having less nightmares and flashbacks than I was before. Now, that could be because of time passing, but I still feel like me actually talking about it has helped. Before, I was keeping it all to myself. The only person who knew most of what happened was my advocate, and now that I am opening up about it with close friends I am beginning to feel like I can get through this. It will get better!

[blaa]

Thank you both so much for your replies I’m very touched and knowing you understand how I feel and can relate makes me feel so much less alone and to reassure me that it’s not us it’s those evil men we were with thank you again I think talking does help a lot and I can also relate when you say a memory can make you feel the same as if it were happening now to know I’m not alone in feeling that helps but I hope time heals and your situations improve, thank you

[determined survivor]

Sometimes what we need to know the most is that we are not alone in this. I have found that knowledge through this forum, which I am so grateful for. We do not win this fight alone, we win it by fighting along side other people.

[Confused123]

HI HUn

Im sure your a beautiful loving lady with a great personalities. These men just break our confidence and rip us apart, start loving yourself again, rediscover yourself again , my ex did same broke all my confidence, slowly i am regaining, i feel like im the most boring person in world, its not true but they make us beleive that. yes be releifed u not getting beaten up, no one deserves that,i just get days where i smile too cause he cant beat me , he cant keep me awake all night, just to be able to sleep feels great , take baby steps and talk as much as u need to, i used to think once im a year out u dont need support, but u do at a different level,so never think u shoudlnt ask for help or u should be over it , abusive realtionship r very traumatic and takes laods of time to recover

[Falling Skys]

Hi Blaa

These abusers rob us of so much. A friend recently took a picture of me. When I look at it is look pretty. I said thankyou for making me look pretty and they said you are….

The constant put downs make us feel ugly, undesirable and that no one else would ever want us. This is all done to control us and keep us in our place.

The question is more do you want another man or not, and when you are really you will find one and you will have the knowledge so you don’t get stuck with another abuser. And whom ever it is will be very lucky to be with you.

FS xx

[Ayanna]

Hi Blaa, I too have flashbacks and nightmares and they mess me up. The trauma stays with us whilst the abuser is gone.
Our brain remains in panic mode and for some of us, who are refused help by the NHS, this will be a situation which we have to live with for the rest of our lives. PTSD never goes away by itself. We can only learn to accept it and live with it as good as we can.
Self confidence will come over time. When we live on our own and successfully manage our lives, go for education and keep
our jobs, we will feel better about ourselves in the long run.

[Serenity]

Because abusers treat us like we are less than human, we end up feeling less than human.

This is why it is so important to distance yourself from abusive people, really care for yourself and build yourself up around respectful people.

The healing won’t happen overnight, but it happens.

The trauma of abuse affects you on such a deep level.

Try to find things that work for you to help your mind and body heal- counselling, support groups, sport, warm saunas, yoga ( some yoga takes place in a steam room- to really relax all the cells in your body- I can’t remember what the name if this yoga is), meditation, raw food diet, comfort routines, aromatherapy baths, etc.

The body needs so much healing.

I am sure he said negative things about your appearance precisely because the opposite was true x

[Author]

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