Bad temper/ Abuse or just normal relationship issues

[Confusedgirl]

So i have a rented house, (detail removed by Moderator) now, but its standing empty as ive been struggling to let go and move out. I decided to try again, for the 100th time it feels like. i just wanted to write it down what happened, whats gone on, is it my fault? is this normal behaviour?

So (detail removed by Moderator) ago we went out for some food, had a lovely night. Came home, watched a film, i had some wine and fell asleep. Once asleep, he went through my phone (again as he had done this (detail removed by Moderator) before to) woke me up, ranting, swearing, calling me a (detail removed by Moderator). He read all my messages to me friends from (detail removed by Moderator), who have been helping and supporting me. Well he was saying i was a (detail removed by Moderator), ive been brain washed, (detail removed by Moderator) has changed me. Calling me and my friend C***s 🙁 this went on for hours when we were laying in bed, him laying there threatening me, threatening my friends, saying he was going to go to their houses. (detail removed by Moderator), i was so scared i put 999 in my phone but didnt ring. I got up and went to the sofa downstairs, he came down and demanded i go back to bed, i said no, he pushed me, hit my hand away, was in my face saying “(detail removed by Moderator)”

In the morning he was slamming doors, scowling at me, i replied he had no right to be reading my messages again, he went mad and started shouting “(detail removed by Moderator)”

I left and he was sending me vile texts all day.. then in the evening started saying he loves me, misses me etc 🙁

He manipulated me back, when i try to communicate about the things he did that night, the name calling, aggression, going through my phone, he excuses it all. Its always “(detail removed by Moderator)”

Its so confusing,I hate him but i dont feel strong enough to leave. Am i in the wrong here? xx

[Hereforhelp]

Hi confused girl, what he read he had no right to read, it matters not that it was about him… that’s your truth, his abusive behaviours are making you sick… he will now put more pressure on for you to not be in contact with your friends. He will expect you to adhere to his wants and needs… he cannot have you getting support and worse still.. he read negative truths about himself (these men hate seeing the truth), so he has decided to bully you about it, get in your face and other aggressive actions/words. He will get worse and worse.
Speak to the police about last night, ask what they suggest… he is breaking the Law not you.
There’s never a right time to leave, you will have a leaving point, please do it safely as he is dangerous, leaving is the most dangerous time.

I had a trauma bond spanning a few decades, keep reading up and reading others stories, trauma bonds can be undone with help.

What support do you have? Xx

[Bananaboat]

No you are not in the wrong.

You have to stop trying to talk to him about it reasonably/logically – he will never cooperate, he doesn’t believe he’s done anything wrong, know that if he ever apologies he doesn’t mean it he’ll just say it to get you off his back. Take his actions at face value – they are the truth/the real him. The nice side, the one that said he missed you, wouldn’t do this again etc is the fake him – that’s the one manipulating you to get his supply. The nice guy who gave you a lovely evening out lulled you into a sense of safety and abused that to access your phone & read private messages.

That day he scared you, you saw the real him, and now you’re living with a constant knot waiting for something to happen. Worse than that he did it infront of your child with no regret or care for the impact on them. I remember this exact day, hours of being shouted at, the fear, protecting my child. Lovely – the trust has gone. And he’s doing nothing to win it back, he’s enjoying the power it gives him.

I know you’re finding it impossible to leave but you did it before, you can do it again. You have that glimmer of hope waiting for you, I know there’s a ten ton brick holding you back but it will happen again xx

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