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What i hate about abusers:
If you don’t pander to their games, or agree with their politics or whatever, your basic rights are denied.
My kids might end up having completely different views to me about stuff. But that’s their choice.
Whatever they choose to follow, or think, I will fulfil my parental role.
It won’t be conditional, like me ex.
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So true. If you don’t do what they want you to do even if you don’t want to do it, you are punished for it in some way (openly or covertly). We have no choices with an abuser. Its their way only. Even if their way is wrong or not good for us or we prefer something different. It doesn’t matter. You do what they say, what they want..or else. Our opinion doesn’t matter. What matters is their opinion, their outlook, their view. Its all about them. They have to be dominant. Even when their views are rubbish.
They have to win in everything. They have to be first.
Its a horrible way to live, living with an abuser. We try to make sense of it, change ourselves, modify our views, give in to them, keep the peace, get rid of our wants and needs so we can stay with them, so we can accommodate them but eventually we can’t do it any more. Living with an abuser is too much for any of us.
It wa sa great day when I finally stopped trying to make the relationship work (after decades) and just gave up, gave in and surrendered. Little did I know I was just stepping unto the path of freedom. A life free of abuse.
My abuser hasn’t changed. He’s still being the dominant one with everyone around him. Difference is I’m out of it. I don’t have to put up with him dominating me. I don’t have to be around him playing his games, manipulating, gas-lighting etc. I still have to put up with his ‘smearing’ me to my children. But at least I don’t have to listen to him anymore.
Peace and freedom. Priceless gifts.
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Wise words both of you. I don’t agree with my husband if I have a difference of opinion, or don’t go along with his plan whatever I am punished for it. And they just want to win. And its always conditional. The amount of times my husband has done stuff for me and then weeks months later I’ve had it all thrown back in my face.
I so agree with you Serenity about kids… they might have different views but thats their choice. And that’s the path I want to take with my child too.
I am so done with living this way.
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Agreed Serenity, ladies…I was thinking about this as he has 3 social media accounts, to enable him to spout off about his politics his ‘take’ on the world & everybody in it.
Whats alarming is how well its hidden from others…like everything they do, fake.His family get one nice version, work another, I another and so on…blatantly lying through their teeth, and refusing to discuss their weird thoughts in public, as it may expose their real abusive personality.
He rants on, swearing and spouting off about how horrible people are etc etc the real him..anybody and anything, and then on the other account he’s all lala land…that’s got to to be a mental health issue?
Must consume him his every waking hour…thank g I’m not there anymore but it leaves its mark in more ways than one.
Cx -
There is a lot to hate about abusers as you ladies have said but what really annoys me is the explanations given for their bad behaviour etc by professional people eg trauma from the past. I don’t buy it at all.
We have all survived terrible trauma but we do not go about our lives tormenting others as abusers do. We have free
will and choose what we do from day to day-moment to moment.Maybe abusive people should attend compulsory therapy
programmes to teach them respect and insight into their abusive ways.After all,many articles on the subject inform us that abusers lack some awareness about what is going on inside their heads and this is why they use projection so much.I even read that this kind of abuse is an epidemic! You would think that if a person can learn to abuse that they could un-learn it too?Or maybe they enjoy the power too much to change? Their minds must be like sewers.
Jupiter x -
Sure..They choose to do what they do… How they behave is entirety up to the individual. I’m sick.& tired of trying to ‘get inside their head’ I know we all need more reasons why someone who is meant to be a lover is a potential murderer & emotional jailer. … Seriously what about the scars we have from the abuse.
I don’t want to a a angry survivor.
I just want me back! I’m ok thanks..Like you all too!CX
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