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I’m away staying with friends at the moment and they watch a long running medical “drama” on Tuesday evenings.
I was half watching it then realised the story line revolved around control/emotional abuse. It transported me back and I felt absolute terror, ended up having my first panic attack in a year or so. Can’t sleep now as I’m having flashbacks, hearing his voice, hearing him lying and twisting things, seeing that half smile when he knows exactly what he’s doing.
Documentaries often come with warnings about scenes some viewers might find distressing. Maybe soaps/dramas need then too?
I can’t get the images/thoughts/memories out of my head, it was just too realistic for me -
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Hi white rose im so sorry for you, soaps are one set of programmes I too can’t watch at the moment because of how they make me feel. I’ve come across a mindfulness claas at my local sports centre, it was perfect timing. The coach wrnt through a really bad time themself so gets how our minds work. He’s also going to be running a retreat soon. Is there any chance you could find out if there are any retreats near you? I’ve also downloaded a 7 step relaxation technique. The man’s voice alone is relaxing. Best wishes IWMB 💞💞
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THi Lisa and IWMB I’ve done the things I turn to when the dreaded wobbles hit and am feeling a bit more like me again. I think what shocked me was just how much this affected me. I’ve been fine for quite a while now so am disappointed the past still has me in it’s grasp! I’ve still got that funny panic feeling – it’s a bit like the walking on eggshells feeling we all know so well but I know he’s not here and won’t dare approach me. Will I ever be totally free of it I wonder?
Thanks xx -
Funnily enough, I watched that particular soap episode having not watched it for ages and I’m so sorry you found it triggering. I agree, if this was a documentary about domestic abuse there would be a warning that there might be some scenes that viewers could find distressing, and I think this should also apply to soaps and other dramas. I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. Are you having any counselling or support at all?
Otherwise I think it’s great that popular soaps are raising awareness of DV and coercive control. I felt the acting was very powerful and really captured the essence of coercive control – behaviours which so many of us struggle to find the words to describe.
It was interesting that the perpetrator kept saying “She’s my wife”, as if she was his property to do with as he wanted. When challenged about his behaviour, he spoke in what I would describe as “word salad” – basically controlling the situation by rationalising and throwing up smokescreens to divert the conversation from his behaviour. All the while I was watching it, I kept thinking: Omg this is sooo what these abusers do – the mind games, the gaslighting and manipulating the situation. During the episode the abused wife’s friends called the police to stop him harassing her, but although the police gave him a warning, the wife was nevertheless unhappy with her friends for involving the police. Isn’t that so familiar as well? So often we don’t want to go that far because we love our partners and hope they can change. A very powerful and thought provoking episode.
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