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I’m away, I’m utterly relieved I am too. However rebuild is massive! Ptsd severe anxiety & depression through him & years of abuse plus running alongside other major traumas, where his abuse intensified. Anyway now any attempt at being happy seems like a cruel sick joke. I get told it by everyone, they ask “how are you” I tell then the truth “I feel awful, I shake, I cry, I can’t believe how much he’s destroyed me, etc” Everyone says “can’t you just be happy” Actually no not at the moment, I am seriously ill now with mental health problems, I can’t trust anyone, I can’t sleep, I relive his abuse, How can I be Happy! I have to get better, I have to somehow drag myself out of bed each morning & muster up enough strength to get washed & dressed, do jobs at home which seem like mountains! People stay away because they say I repeat myself (he always said that!!!) I do, it’s because I’ve been lied about for years, it still goes on now too! How can anyone expect you to be happy when you feel like you are drowning, You have to find the strength to work again, to survive life again, yet life looks massively difficult. Why are people so stupid, why don’t they understand what dv/abuse does to us x
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HI hun
your words are so true, people domnt realise how much damage they cause to us, when i left my ex, my dad was like whats happened has happened now just move on, i was like u cant just move on, u have to cry and heal for what u went through, but people dont get it, i had the same said to me , when u was with him u cried and now u r still vcrying, is this all u r going to keep doing now cry, peole really dont get it, my family were quite blown aawaay when i withdrew myself from them as they just didnt get it
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Hi Confused123 people just don’t get it at all, unless they have been through it. I have said over & over again “but this is not like a normal relationship breakdown” and it really isn’t. I not only fee sad, I feel completely traumatised & like my head will explode with the hundreds of flashbacks that run through it x
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Hey Blueberry!
This (what you have written in your post) is why I am so afraid (wrong word I know, maybe unmotivated is better?) to leave, let go, because I know the dealing with the fallout is going to be massive (financial, familial suffering, starting from scratch). It feels like I would rather sit in the fire which wafts and wanes, gets really hot and burns me often than jump away from it (and take my beautiful children with me), out of it and tend to the burns, the singed hair, the confused mental state, cos look I have been sitting in a really dangerous place for all this time, I am free now, shoot, what do I do now?! And am I addicted to the bad behaviours, is that why I cannot let go and leave? Am I so used to being hurt, that without all the chaos, life will seem meagre? Gah!
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I learned very early on- due to reactions and interferences like you describe- to only share my confidences with trusted people- either those who have been through abuse and understand, or those who have the empathy, insight and patience to realise that healing is not an overnight process.
Often, lack of understanding means that people are unable to offer the correct support. They don’t understand the impact of the abuse, don’t understand PTSD, and maybe don’t even understand what abuse is. Lucky for them, they’ve not been through it.
Telling the wrong people can make you feel worse.
Many people are not courageous enough to face their demons, and prefer to suppress them. I think it’s better that we as survivors face and work through things, so we can eventually get to a place of relative freedom. Some people might even be scared of how you have the courage to face and question reality head on, because they know they have things they are too scared to face up to.
Choose your audience wisely. We ladies on this forum all understand you completely!
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