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Hello, I tried to post the other day and it didn’t go through. First, I want to make it clear that I love my husband , I really do. We have been together for a while now but I’m scared. We started having issues when I was pregnant with out (detail removed by Moderator) child and that’s when the abuse started as well. Now it’s a constant thing. I am pregnant again and I was beaten and bleeding (detail removed by Moderator) nights ago and he locked me in the house. I didn’t get to go to the hospital until he left for work. I’m in the hospital and they are running tests. So far my baby seems to be holding strong and don’t I love him for it. I feel like my life is ending and I don’t know what to do.
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When you get out, contact your local women’s aid. There is a helpline number on here. Google ‘trauma bonding’ in domestic abuse. I thought I loved my ex but it was awful mind games. How can we love someone who treats us so badly. Abuse always gets worse. Please ask for help….
Speak to someone there….. A doctor…… -
This is a great link on Trauma Bonding as is Narcissit Free by Zari Ballard.
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Of course you love your husband. You are a good soul. You married him and that means something to you. Marriage is a vow for the good and the bad times.
I loved the abuser too and I was in for the good and the bad times.But there is a big exemption to those vows of marriage: violence and abuse.
He has to care for you, not violate you.
He has broken the vows.Someone who loves you would never hurt you. Think about this. You love him, but he does not love you.
You are free to leave.
Make sure your baby is fine and go straight into a refuge from the hospital. Do not go home anymore.
Keep posting! x*x
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Hi. Sorry it took me so long to post. I don’t know what is up with the things the docs giving me but I just keep sleeping. I wake up, shower, eat and the moment i touch the hospital bed I’m down for the count. Thanks so much for all your support. I spoke to a nurse and she said she would make a couple calls and let me know. I hope that goes well.
He has come to see me every visiting time and bring me fruits and other stuff i need.-
Sorry if I sound blunt but are the members of staff aware of what he did to you, is it written on your file? Are they aware this is a case of physical abuse, in which case why is he allowed to come and visit you?
You may take what I write the wrong way and I am hoping you won’t, so please forgive me if I upset you, but I really hope you don’t take his ”fruit and things you need” as a gesture of a better future outcome. It is clear from your previous post which did indeed get posted properly (as mentioned by another survivor) that you suffered horrendous abuse and that you were bleeding. I am glad you and your baby are doing ok, but you must speak to domestic violence specialists. You must make yourself aware of what you have truly gone through and that it is not acceptable and that it is likely to happen again, and could even get worse. Did the police get involved?I hope you won’t find my view upsetting but all of us on the forum will worry about you and your baby. You are in danger. The relationship is not a normal loving one.
Please, please, please, do not fall victim by staying with him. Inform yourself, make yourself safe, get support to see clearly, take time to think and take action, what has happened to you is not a good sign. God knows if you were my daughter I would have whisked you away quicker than a flash of thunder…I know the feelings you must be going through,doubt, love, hope, forgiveness etc. But I am sure all the other ladies on this forum including Lisa will tell you this is an abusive relationship and you and your baby are in serious danger.
I find it really difficult to read stories like yours. It upsets me so much knowing what I went through too, it is so similar, the scenario is the same, albeit taking on a different form. I really fear for you. I can’t repeat it enough. You must build a new life for your family, you need to get out and fight for your safety, your babies need you alive and well, flourishing in a loving environment. From your posts I gather you have experienced this since your first pregnancy. Please, take all the action needed to get out, inform yourself and get support, people are there to offer the right advice and you must take it, don’t doubt one single element of it one bit!
I am an older lady, with x number of children, but when I read stories like yours I wish I really did have a magic wand…
Just stay safe…
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Thanks so much for that. I told one of the nurses after he left and she asked the same thing, why I didn’t tell anyone that he did this to me and she said she has to report it. Which is terrifying enough cause if they arrest him and he gets out. What then? You know? Unfortunately domestic violence is not a priority in my country. I’m from (detail removed by Moderator). But the nurse says she will help me. I don’t what she is going to do but she says I shouldn’t worry too much in my condition but she will deal with it.
I’m scared and I feel like it would be a bad idea to go through this. This didn’t start with my first pregnancy, it started with my (detail removed by Moderator). But this is my first boy. I want to be happy about the son I’ve always wanted but there is just so much.No one but the person that recommended me to the site knows about this. My parents don’t know, if they did it would kill me.
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He does thing where when we are in public or around family he is the perfect husband just the way I remember him. After all these years he chooses to change. Why now. I keep believing if he can change , he can change back. That doesn’t seem to be happening and I feel like I’m standing in a burned out house with a broom wondering where to start. How to start and if leaving my husband is the best thing to do. I know it sounds off but I’m scared to wake up and he is not there beside me. The thought is scared to me. I want him there but I want the old him not this him.
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The nurse I spoke to will be back at work tomorrow. She was nice enough to call me today to find out if I was okay. They said they have to keep me here cause my blood pressure is high enough to give me a stroke. So I’m here trying not to worry, talking to you guys and eating food that is just begging for salt and seasonings. He hasn’t been here all day. I feel like calling him to find out if he is okay but I haven’t
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Hi, its good they have kept you in and kept you safe, We all wish our abusers would be nice as they once were, but its rare they change and the physical abuse he has done to you whilst pregnant has put you and your babies life in danger, take help from the nurse, you cannot go on like this with this level of physical abuse, he is dangerous and bringing another woman to your home and having sex with her is disgusting and demeaning to you, take advise and accept help, he should be arrested for what he has done to you, he will get worse takecare xxxx
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