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Before this website I didn’t really know what abuse was I thought it was more physical and anything what’s happened in my life I’ve just shrugged off I’ve now realised that I’m not only in a abusive relationship but past relationships have been abusive I was abused as a child by another child but I’ve always wondered if that child is a bit younger than me is it abuse because we are kids but I said no and stop many times I still see them now and find it awkward.I was abused at work the type of work I did made me vulnerable to abusers I’ve had my naked body rubbed and fingers put inside me by old men and me and a friend worked together and she told me a long time ago something happened to her.we were regularly abused in what we were doing and touched up and saw it as normal I’m find this all hard to process and now I’m in this c**p relationship I don’t know what a correct relationship s my mum suffered domestic abuse too
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I found once I joined the forum and learnt the basics of abuse I started to look back at my childhood, family, friendships etc. Although I knew I had been sexually assaulted once by a professional who was also somewhat of a family friend I didn’t realise that even my friendships with other females at school were mostly based on me people pleasing and them being jealous/possessive of me. I really started to figure this all out once I started therapy too. I didn’t even know about boundaries and my therapist now says I’ve never really learnt how to put boundaries in place. It’s very difficult to know what a normal relationship is like when you’ve only ever really known abuse or to always put other people’s needs first. My therapist said abuse is normalised a lot in family systems too x
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Oh my, you have been through it! Thankyou for sharing, I was reading what you wrote and was surprised suddenly, by the fact that I can relate to a lot of what you mentioned here. Like you I woke up, to being a people pleaser, putting others ahead of myself most of my life it seems. To my detriment! Although, I have not had therapy to discover this. I often read a lot on here about people getting therapy to sort themselves? How do you get this therapy? I wish I knew? & Could get help to fix myself! Hopefully? If it’s not too late for me?
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You can go down the private route or speak to your GP or local domestic abuse service to see if they offer any therapy sessions. It all seems to be a postcode lottery, I’ve spoken to women who’ve managed to get really good free counselling through services,yet I’ve really struggled in my area so had to go private. Some therapists will offer reduced rates for those on lower incomes. You can literally negotiate the cost if it’s something they do offer. I will message you the website I used to find a therapist as I don’t think websites can be posted on the forum. My therapist lives in a completely different area of the UK to me and it’s unlikely I will ever even meet her in person, all our sessions are done via video link but I don’t mind that. However, you may be able to find someone you would like to work with in the local area so you can see them in person. Some do ‘walk and talk’ therapy where you literally go for a walk and talk whilst doing so. I feel like that could take the pressure off for anyone who’s nervous about sitting in a room with someone initially.
Will drop you a message x
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Hi Mellow
I am sorry you were treated this way as a child and whilst at work. Its a lot for you to take on board.
I wanted to say that if you wanted to you could certainly take this further. I know it can be incredibly difficult to report to the police some of the things that are so deeply personal, and there are also organisations that can offer you support, like Rape Crisis, and Adult Survivors of Child Abuse, would be worth chatting things through with perhaps so at least you have a direction to take these newly discovered experiences to, and decide whether you wanted to go any further by getting some support, therapy, or reporting it.
You have a lot to process at the moment, and I hope you can gather lots of support for yourself.
It doesn’t matter that the child was younger than you, it was still sexual assault if it was unwanted, and I would suspect that you wouldn’t be the only one that this was done to.
look after yourself and get all the support you can
warmest wishes
ts
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I understand and can relate to some of what you mentioned here. I too have always, I thought? shrugged things off. But, I don’t think we do really do we? Again like yourself I’ve found looking back at my relationships, they were not easy. Interestingly, I was brought up in a single parent family, no dad around! I don’t think I learnt how a man should show love? And I saw my mum going through relationships that never amounted to anything much or were negatively impacted on me and my younger siblings. It makes a lot of sense to me, what you said about not knowing how relationships should be? But I know this I’m in, is the worst ever! Like you, I learnt a lot about the abuse from coming here. Hope you are coping and able to sort yourself some support and help.
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