Been struggling with guilt

[Prisoner]

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while. I have been avoiding talking to people in any way. I have been struggling with guilt since the funeral and been so low. I I don’t eat a lot anyway as we know, I have been eating a lot less and hardly left my bed. I had to go to a hospital appointment that was so traumatic but at least if nothing else the physical injuries are healing well

[Anonymous]

Dear Prisoner
I’m new here, so don’t know your story. It’s so good to hear from you 😊 It’s good your healing physically, and I hope emotionally too. Take really good care of you. Focus on the little things that make you smile. Much love S xx

[Serenity]

Hi Prisoner,

Are you getting support, through your GP/ counselling/ a Victim Support? You have been through hell and back.

Resting and trying to eat are good things, but only part of the equation. You need to talk and receive specialised counselling. This is where your family and friends cannot help- you need to ask for further help.

If you call Women’s Aid, they will help you and give you local contacts, or look on the website to see where your help is locally.

Please don’t leave this. Internalising these traumatic feelings will cause you great damage. You need to,talk them out and get a trained, objective view.

Please don’t blame yourself. Abusers are cowards, and your ex showed this through taking his own life. He was too cowardly to face up to what he had done- or rather, to face the fact that other people would now know who he really was. You had every right to report him. He should not have treated you like that for one single day, never mind years. The guilt stays with him. Always.

Take care x*x

[godschild]

Swallow , if you need to learn of ladies stories on her if you click on their name on their post then click on forum yo will be able to read and catch up on things, its hard at fisrt to remember all the details of everyone xx

[Anonymous]

Thanks Godschild, that’s helpful 🙂 x

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

I was just going to say same as serinty so wont repeat , please look into couselling

[Millionpieces]

Hi prisoner,
Just to say, you always on my mind, thinking and pray for you, you will find your self again one day. I don’t face trouble as hard as you but I’m struggling to survive.
I can’t imagine yours. And please be kind to your self she needed you, as me needed mine.
Big hugs and support
MP

[godschild]

So good to hear from you prisoner, always thinking of you, do agree you need some real help to process the mixed emotions you are experiencing, but as its hard for you to leave the house at present dont know how you can access it. Your guilt is a thing that you will obviously feel but YOU are in no way responsible for any of this at all.
I ma receiving help by phone from a WA worker might this be a possibility there are alos some people who do telephone councelling if you feel strong enough, I can PM the details of one if you would like me to.
Glad to hear the physical is healing thats the easier part your mind and emotions will take longer,sending you a big hug x*x

[Prisoner]

Thank you. I have been seeing the can but she just doesn’t seem to understand.

I have to try and do something before they label me as anorexic my weight is still dropping everything feels like a struggle. That would be great if you could godschild I have to try and do something and I really can’t go out to see someone. It is taking me all my energy to just sit downstairs for half an hour I feel so stupid. 😢 😢

[Lisa]

Hi Prisoner,

I just wanted to show you some support. You are doing your best in a very difficult situation. Please do take the time to be kind to yourself. Just getting out of bed and having a shower must feel hugely overwhelming and we are all so proud of you.

Please do try and pick up the phone to speak to the helpline, the great thing about a phone is that you can always just hang up, there is no pressure and no one is going to judge you or tell you what to do. They can help to put you in touch with some local support too.

We are all here for you and wishing you well in your recovery.

Best wishes,

Lisa
Forum Moderator

[Prisoner]

Lisa I am going to try and phone the help line. do you think there will be organisations that can see me at home? i really can’t leave the house yet i just can’t do it. i try and sit in the garden occassionally and if i hear trhe phone ring i’m running for it.

it’s stupid really there is no one stopping me from leaving any more i don’t have to listen for him phoning anymore, he’s dead he’s not going to attack me if i leave the house without him. But i still can’t do it. i feel so stupid.

[Lisa]

Hi Prisoner,

You are not stupid. You are so used to living in fear that it can take a very long time to adapt. Your fear and imprisonment (physically and mentally) became ‘normal’ to you so now you just have to give your self plenty of time to find your own normal.

I am so pleased that you are going to phone the helpline today. It can be very busy between 9-5 but if you can then leave a message for a time for them to phone you back and they will do so.

I am hopeful that your local Women’s Aid group has outreach support so that someone can come out to see you. Particularly when you explain the situation and how hard things have been for you.

Please let us know how you get on speaking to the helpline later on today.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Herindoors]

Hi Prisoner. I just want to reiterate what Lisa said about adapting. You are in no way stupid but I understand why you feel like that. After I split with my ex I spent months running round town when shopping trying to get home quickly because that was what I was used to doing, they are very hard habits to break because they were formed by fear.

I am sure there are organisations and counsellors that will see you at home. Like all those services though it could take a while to find one. Could your mother or someone else take on the task of finding someone suitable for you? I am sure she would want to help, she sounds so loving and caring from your previous posts.

Sending you peace, love and hugs x*x

[godschild]

I read abook by a Lady and when she go tout as it had become far too dangerous to stay, she continued to do the things he used to make her do for along time, he used to insist the kitchen blind lined up with the tiles and everyday she found her self still doing that and many other things, your mind has been on super alert and fear and it will take time and help ot overcome the trauma of it xxxx

[Starmoon]

Hi prisoner I’ve been on and off here and missed what happened but I’ve just caught up. You have truly been to hell and back. I just don’t know what to say but I wanted to show some support. I hope you’re able to get the rite support. And keep talking on here when you can. X*x

[Author]

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