beginning a prosecution

[Anonymous]

Hello

I’ve received yet another abusive letter from my father. It’s really upsetting to read such vile words and I am so fed up of being his scapegoat for his unresolved emotional issues. I think now might be the time to put a stop to this, or at least try to, using the Criminal Justice and Public Order Act (1994), citing harassment. Has anyone had any experience of this and had a successful prosecution? What do I need to do? Should I phone my local police station or phone 101 for non-urgent police calls. Is there a list of things that I should prepare before ringing them – I want to be taken seriously as this harassment has been going on for most of my life!

[KIP.]

You need to gather as much evidence as you can. Evidence of you telling him not to contact you and him breaching ignoring that. Anything threatening too. You could look at a civil interdict or non molestation order if the police can’t act. There are time constraints involved. Ring Rights of Women for free legal advice. If you haven’t done already send a clear message saying any further contact will be viewed as harrassment and don’t reply to anything else. The police just see it as an argument if you go back and forth x

[maddog]

I filed abusive letters unopened and left them in a filing cabinet. One day, maybe I will open them when I know I am safe. Once I got angry with the sender and told him where to get off. Since then we have been able to build a relationship and most of the people he knows are allies to me and recognise that he isn’t right.

If you know the content of the correspondence it is better not to engage as it will trigger you. Then you have nothing to respond to. I absolutely recognise that within families this is complicated with veiled threats, property and money. However, your boundaries are being smashed to bits and it hurts like hell.

If you are going to open these letters, it’s best to do it with someone else. Don’t do it alone.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for these comments KIP and Maddog, very helpful

It’s only recently that I decided to read these letters having previously got my partner to read them to check if there were any death threats etc in them – you can never be sure with these people! However my partner couldn’t understand why I was so concerned about them as those at the beginning were fairly benign and none too abusive. The contents got worse over time, but support was limited from my partner as he believed what he was reading, taking it at face value, rather than listening to me. This is probably why I’ve had so much issue with counsellors not believing me, because even my own partner didn’t. It’s why abusers can get away with their behaviour as they are so nice to begin with! Better training needed for those in the caring professions so that we don’t have to handle this stuff on our own, which is what I’ve been doing for most of my life, and it’s really exhausting 🙁

Perhaps one day I’ll publish them, redacting personal details, so others can see that not all parents are kind, loving and supportive of their children, but instead see them as an object onto whom they can take out all their emotional distress and unhappiness with life.

[maddog]

Too many counsellors are just c**p. They don’t understand trauma or abuse. Please avoid these people like the plague! It’s very frustrating when other people don’t read between the lines. It means that they’re not actually listening to you. You too have a?voice & it’s so important that you are heard. It is devastating to be silenced.

[Author]

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