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    • #123273
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I had such a bad weekend. I don’t know why but I started writing this. I’ve never done anything like this before. I will never let anyone read it that knows me so I will just leave it here. Maybe telling people my situation is too hard, this is a halfway there. Sorry if I’m not making any sense, my mind is such a mess at the moment.

      BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

      When we first met
      One night in November,
      We watched an old movie
      A night I remember.

      We did have some fun
      When we first started out,
      We’d laugh in the house
      When no ones about.

      It didn’t take long
      The cracks started to show
      I fell for his charm
      But I also felt low.

      The children we had
      Brought joy to my life,
      But he made it quite clear
      I was a bad wife.

      Fast forward some years
      Six ops on my brain,
      But that feeling at home
      Was I going insane?

      Each day he came home,
      I’d stand to attention,
      I’d fake my excitement,
      Await his intention.

      Sometimes I’m surprised
      By all the good humour,
      But that doesn’t last
      It’s not just a rumour

      I can’t take any more,
      my fight has all gone,
      I thought he could change,
      but sadly I’m wrong.

      The things that he does
      The words that he uses
      That feeling, it hurts
      Leaves emotional bruises

      He convinced me I’m mad
      I was going insane,
      I doubt everyday
      Everyday is the same.

      I wish I had some more strength
      The courage to go,
      My mind she thinks yes
      But my body says no.

    • #123275
      Darcy
      Participant

      That’s brilliant, thank you for sharing that and saying it so beautifully.
      Keep writing its a great way to move your feelings through, and you sharing that is sure to help and inspire others to do the same.
      Sending you love and support
      Darcy xx

    • #123277
      sweet4
      Participant

      WOW
      Your a poet and you know it.
      Well donexx

    • #123282
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      That is so powerful Busyditch, thank you for sharing. xxxx

    • #123529
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      I really loved your poem and lines kept popping into my head, so I hope you don’t mind but I wrote a reply. I should say that it’s all about the feelings involved in leaving an abuser and is in no way suggesting that there is no risk of physical harm from abusers. It also is written from my experience so apologies if some it sounds like I’m assuming I know how you feel. xxxx

      Your mind she thinks yes
      Your body says no
      Your mind looks to freedom
      Your body won’t go

      You feel weak for not leaving
      Life is hopeless, such a waste
      But your body is doing
      All it knows to keep you safe

      Your mind sees leaving as a challenge
      But not beyond your power
      Your body sees a minefield
      With snipers on towers

      You’ve been sucked in and spat out
      Love bombed and hurt
      Your body has learned
      To stay on high alert

      Though you long to be seen
      Your feelings aren’t seen at all
      Your body knows not to challenge
      To stay safe, stay still and small

      Your body has kept you
      Alive every day
      Unable yet to see
      That there is another way

      You only know false love
      Threats and criticism at length
      Self compassion and support from others
      Will help you find strength

      Maybe with lots of help
      Maybe you’ll manage without
      You’ll leave when you’re ready
      Despite fear and self doubt

      In time your perspective
      Will start to shift
      And the FOG of abuse
      Will begin to lift

      ‘til then your body sees tigers
      Its only option to freeze
      No wonder you feel stuck
      Too scared to leave

      But there is no tiger
      Though the feelings are real
      You can’t always see the truth
      Just from how you feel

      Your feelings say you need him
      You can’t cope alone
      You feel guilty and desperate
      How can you leave him on his own?

      But these feelings are a product
      Of how you’ve tried to survive
      The shield of self blame and trauma bond
      That tried to keep you alive

      To reach the freedom you deserve
      You’ll see the prison walls give way
      You built a shield and took on feelings
      From the abuse you suffered each day

      So you have a shield to discard
      Painful feelings to feel
      Then to let go of
      And wounds to heal

      But you’re not your wounds
      your feelings, your shield or scars
      You’ve always been perfect
      and whole as you are

    • #123531
      Learntoliveagain
      Participant

      Busyditch & ISOPeace your poems are incredibly moving, they’re brilliant.
      Thank you for posting them x

    • #123536
      Sleepypigeon
      Participant

      Wow just wow
      So powerful and made me emotional x

    • #123538
      Rosemary
      Participant

      Your poem made me feel emotional busyditch
      I feel with your poem and I can understand how your feeling . Thank you for shareing

    • #123562
      Busyditch
      Participant

      I wasn’t expecting that response… I’m speechless!!

    • #123850
      ISOPeace
      Participant

      Aw thanks. Busyditch your poem made me think about how much shame we feel about our situation and also guilt about leaving. We feel like there’s something wrong with us but we’re actually responding in a totally normal way for a human being. When I learnt that I felt like a weight had lifted and I started to feel stronger. We feel weak because we’ve had our power taken away by force and by stealth. We can take it back by getting out and we will get out. Xxxx

    • #124312
      Cosmicasca
      Participant

      Thank you so much for both your poems, really spoke to me 💖

    • #125068
      MollyPolly
      Participant

      I loved both poems! You got this! I know it must being hard! Sending hugs!

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