being believed

[strong soul]

One of the reasons why I didn’t tell anyone about it for years was because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Even now when I think about it I still can’t believe that it actually happened to me. I don’t know how long this support site has been going for, but I’m so happy that I found it. My message to all those women who are thinking about leaving their abusive partner is don’t be afraid. You’re not the only one, you’re not alone. You will be believed. You are beautiful and smart and a great mother to your children. Dig deep and find the courage, its in you.

[White Rose]

I’ll second that!
Fear of not being believed is a big part of dealing with domestic abuse – it’s been the same with child abuse for years and that’s changing now.
If we keep talking about it openly and honestly and dont minimise the effect it has on individuals regardless of sex, age, race or religion eventually it won’t be so much of a stigma.
If you’re reading this while trying to decide whether you are being abused or not then you almost certainly are as you’ve got to this site and read on. So if thats you be strong get help and talk to someone x*x

[strong soul]

White rose, you’re absolutely right, the more we talk about it, the less women will suffer in silence. I would love to, one day, give talks in high schools about domestic abuse. None of us thought it would ever happen to us. If I can use my experience and stop just one woman going through what I went through. It can destroy your life, the long term effects are devastating. Education and awareness are key to reducing future victims.

[Serenity]

I agree.

I think I thought no one would believe me, or that it would reflect badly on me somehow.

He was very careful to keep the abuse within four walls, and he even made a big thing about spoiling me in public- so everyone believed he was a good husband. ( Of course, once people got to know him they formed their own opinions- as he treated them badly too.)

You will be believed, because abusers all follow a pattern of behaviour. They might fancy themselves as unique, or superior- but in fact they are all cliches of one another.

When I first rang Women’s Aid, I was scared that I would be dismissed and told it wasn’t abuse. In fact, I was told that his behaviour was typical of an abuser. When I attended the Pattern Changing course and they described an abuser, they could have been talking about my ex. When I read this forum, so many of these dear ladies’ abusers remind me of mine. Because they all fit one mould, with slight variations. They are predictable and you will be believed. X

[Nova]

Hi thanks for bringing up this topic, I’m in the middle of feeling sick from fear about not being believed. I got him out of my place recently, but I’m still in the middle of it, like my life has been blown to pieces.

I’m isolated and fearful of ‘friends’ questions …I can’t explain it all…it’s too much to have to go through. I need answers to shut them up asking constantly, just for the sake of it, not that they really give a monkeys how I’m doing, it’s just coffee morning chat questions like ‘how is he?!…are you getting back together?..
Like hell will freeze over first!
I just do not want to spell it out, the horror of that manipulating control freak…I don’t want them to know. I just want to move on…I’m finding it mega tough to just get through each day atm.

hugs C x

[jsscollie]

Fear of not being believed is paralysing sometimes. He and his family are adamant that I’m a liar and a manipulator who has engineered all this. But others have believed me – it’s unreal seeing reactions of horror to something I thought was normal until recently. X

[EeyoreNoMore]

I’ve been blown away by the support from friends and colleagues – same as everyone else, you wonder if people will believe you. Statistics say one in four women have experienced it st some point so I think generally people DO believe you’re telling the truth.

[strong soul]

I think when people see how distraught you are when you relive those experiences, they believe you. Remember its his shame to carry, not yours.

[Author]

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