Being consumed

[RedFox]

Hey,

I am broken tonight.
I have taken to his manipulation that we will sell our house.

He basically accuses me of abuse, of not being free in our relationship etc. I can’t believe it, he blames all his done to me on the fact I was awful and tonight I almost believe it. But I know also he is very unfair saying I made him feel like he couldn’t do certain things whilst I have actually always encouraged him with that.
I feel like just disappearing, I have suffered so much from this relationship and I can’t take being accused of something I suffered myself for years.

I want my friends to hug me right now. I want to disappear.

[White Rose]

Hugs!

It’s all ongoing abuse. He’s turning on you and tightening the screws. You need to get away from him.
Don’t believe him. Trust your own mind.
Phone the help line now and leave a message if there’s no answer and someone will phone you back.
More hugs x*x

[KIP.]

Abusers are liars. Remember the rock of truth in the choppy sea. You know the truth. They are pathological liars. Do not believe a word he says. Remember Gaslighting too. At this stage my husband was stealing thousands from behind my back. Planning to ruin me financially. Trying to keep control this way. You need good legal advice. My ex also made promises about being ‘fair’. Please be careful as you enter this dangerous stage. If you can move out somewhere then I suggest you do that and go no contact. Contact with these men is toxic. Drags us down. Brings confusion mind games and manipulation. It’s not you. It’s never been you. It’s his behaviour that has caused this.

[Lisa]

Hello Redfox,

As said by White Rose and KIP, please don’t believe his words. You have not done anything to deserve being abused and only he is responsible for his behaviour. You’ve taken a huge step by going to your police appointment; well done. Please don’t feel you let yourself down as it must have taken such courage to go.

If you are able to then please do call the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline (0808 2000 247), your local support group or the police. You should be able to live your life without abuse and fear. We are here with you every step of the way.

Take care,

Lisa

[RedFox]

Thank you for the words.

I will talk to my local womens aid tomorrow, it was planned already but even more needed now.

I am letting myself being convinced it will be ok if I do as he says and then remembering I shouldn’t and he is abusing me again but I’m paralysed because he threats me not to use a solicitor. I worry it makes it all worse and it ends up in court and cost a fortune / take very long.

I am tired of it all.
I felt so close to the end and then it starts again and I can’t see a way to stop it anymore.

Him accusing me of what he does to me is horrendous, but he is good at doing it and I end up believing him. It’s the worst thing.
He lied on something he has done to me, saying I never said this thing but I have a recording of it.. it is so frustrating! I wish I could play it but it wouldn’t be wise.

[KIP.]

My ex threatened me about using a solicitor. This is because I was entitled to way much more than he was saying. And he was hiding tens of thousands. I’m glad I went to a solicitor and let her deal with him. You won’t be able to reason with him. I had to fight for what I got, if it was upto him I would have walked away with nothing. You have to find the strength from somewhere. He’s going nowhere. He’s going to stay and continue getting his power kicks from abusing you. From watching you crumble and despair until you relent and give him everything he wants. I got out before it came to this. Keep trying Women’s Aid. Speak to a solicitor for free advice.

[Author]

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