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    • #165806

      I have been a victim of domestic abuse in two marriage and haven’t been able to leave the latest one, so my life is in a real mess right now, which almost cost me my life. I feel that psychological abuse is still not accepted in England and is seen as just another bad marriage, even by the charities supposed to protect and support you, but also difficulties that arise by me not being British are downplayed, like difficulty to get a rental property when they hear your accent and see your name, no acceptance that in the past an agency didn’t even accept to show any property to me, even if I had a healthy amount of money and ended up renting through another agency in a gated community (not so financial stable anymore though, which is making my life a lot more difficult this time around). Also being treated like a naughty child, when one is at one’s most vulnerable, especially if you are alone in the UK. Other professionals have been very kind! But the unkind, exasperated ones, I will never forget! One looks for support and one gets unkindness?

    • #165836
      Main Moderator

      Hi Miosotis,

      I’m sorry that you’ve had such a hard time getting support and that your experience of not being British has impacted this so severely. It’s a fact that bias and prejudice exist and having this minimised on top of experiencing it compounds the issue. You should have been believed about what you were going through.

      Women’s Aid recognises psychological domestic abuse as real, serious, and damaging. You deserve to have support. You should be able to access support to leave, including accommodation if this is a barrier to you leaving. If you wanted to discuss this in more detail with a Women’s Aid worker, our Live Chat service is available daily.

      Take care and keep posting,

    • #165905

      Many thanks once again, Lisa. Sometimes a situation that is very difficult is made even more difficult and when one is struggling to cope it all just becomes too much. I will try the Live Chat. My situation, as I see it, is mainly Gaslighting and the Silent Treatment, which have resulted in me behing dehumanized. But I, and maybe a lot of other women, don’t fit into the tight parameters that the government set for Physiological Abuse. This is not about withholding money or preventing me from seeing people, this goes a lot deeper than that, just the government never understood that each case is a case. This is much more about manipulation, but the kind that takes one years to even understand what is going on. Difficult to explain in a few words. But you have helped me a lot with the two suggestions you gave me, the phone number, which I haven’t called yet, as I am mostly so awfully tired, and the Live Chat. I will explore both.

      Sorry if I have been signing my own name, I am so used to it.



    • #169064

      What you’re describing happened to me many years ago, even though I am a UK resident. I experienced racism from the services and support agencies that should’ve been there to protect me. I went on to support myself and ended up leaving a city I once called home. I live in a completely different place now where I’ve given up on trusting people, and I haven’t made any real friends since leaving my abuser as I keep meeting people just like him or people who remind me of my abusive family members. I am a complete social pariah now and prefer to keep myself to myself. It’s hard and the C-PTSD you experience after leaving an abusive relationship is still undermined by those who haven’t been through it or realise that they are in an abusive relationship. I sincerely hope you manage to get some support and it’s a real shame that most of the support services are tainted by racist terms, i.e., being judged by the colour of your skin is hard and this shouldn’t still be happening.

      Wishing you all the best with your journey away from abuse,


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