This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  gettingtired 1 week, 6 days ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #115169
     gettingtired 
    Participant

    It has been on the cards for us to move for a while and although things haven’t been right for a long time it’s only recently I’ve joined here and realised how abusive he is. I’m panicking about going ahead with it. I feel like I’m being forced into it. The problem is I don’t feel ready to leave yet because I’m still so badly trauma bonded. But he wants to move ASAP!
    I’m also worried because I feel like it’s where he’s noticed a change in me lately so is now going full steam ahead a bit more with moving whereas before it was always on the back burner a bit.
    What am I going to do? x

  • #115173
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Do not move with him, it’s designed to trap you further. Try to find a way to stay behind. Say you need some time to adjust and you will follow at a later date. Put some distance between you. It’s a classic way to isolate you further. Use this as a turning point x

    • #115210
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      Thanks @kip, I’m going to have to try my hardest over the next few months before it happens to break free of the trauma bond as much as I can. Not sure what my plan is yet but it’s the only way to try and untie myself from all these feelings towards him xx

  • #115176
     beachhut 
    Participant

    Do what ever you can to stay where you are, moving will not change anything, I know because it happened to me, I went to an area I did not know, had new neighbors who knew nothing about me and because things were unformilia it made his moods worse and increased my isolation. I didn’t last long there and had to get out and now find myself homeless and living with friends, try to make a plan and and keep safe,. It is not easy I will not say it is, but I am here and not living with an abuser any more.
    Take care of you. beachhutXx

    • #115211
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      Thanks @beachhut, it’s so easy to think things will improve because the circumstances have changed. Especially as not moving is apparently a huge source of his misery (and partly my fault we still havent 🙄). I can see now I’ve been stalling it for so long because I knew something wasnt right. I’m just so badly trauma bonded to him I’m trying to find a way to stop all the worrying about how he will cope or what he will do etc.
      So sorry to hear you’re having to stay at friends and havent got a place of your own. You deserve that and I hope it happens soon xx

  • #115198
     Lostforever 
    Participant

    We moved away. Far from my support network. It made it so much harder for me. I really think I would have left him a lot sooner if I’d not agreed to move.

    • #115212
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      @lostforever, this is what I’m worried about. That I will then waste more years if I go and make it harder for myself. It’s just so hard because I care and worry about HIM so much instead of me. Although I am scared I wont be able to cope without him and it will be a mistake etc xx

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