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For context I have OCD and PMDD. Once a month I experience severe p*s which is incredibly difficult and I’ve not yet started treatment for it.
my previous relationship was sexually, physically and mentally abusive therefore I have a lot of additional trauma to process.
(detail removed by Moderator) was the first time my new partner experienced my heightened state and all my emotions regarding my past relationship came out. I came across as incredibly paranoid and insecure with my new partner and I asked to be taken to hospital to speak to the mental health team. It was completely out of character for me to ask like this and my partner was understandably upset and hurt.
since then I have apologised and been incredibly remorseful. He went away for a few days whilst I was still in a depressive state and since he’s got back he’s barely speaking to me and saying how awful it all was. It’s like he can’t see how temporary it was as the rest of the time we’ve been together ((detail removed by Moderator)), I’ve managed much better each month. I’m normally a fun, happy person to be around
what I’m also finding hard is that he’s saying how hard it was to support me and can barely talk to me yet he’s also saying he wants to start a new career in (detail removed by Moderator) as he’s been inspired by people that helped us over (detail removed by Moderator). It just feels like such a weird thing to say as I still feel really rejected and confused by that
im trying really hard to calmly talk and ask him to try be normal with me but he just acts so defensive and walks off etc. I feel like I can never make a mistake and I’m afraid that I won’t always manage my pmdd perfectly
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Some people can cope with meltdowns and emotional disregulation and some can’t unfortunately. I know how terribly hard it is to get back on an emotional and mental even keel after an abusive relationship.
I have PTSD and have lost friends who couldn’t cope with my volatility and anxiety when I faced a major trigger. No matter how much people want to understand and say they will, unless they are trained in dealing with the situation they may find it too difficult to handle. That’s understandable, we all have coping thresholds. Equally if someone has experienced a lot of trauma or disturbances in life, they may not be able to take any more so it’s easier to walk away and avoid.
It sounds like your partner found your behaviour too much to deal with and is now working out what to do. I don’t think you can just return to normal as if nothing has happened. It has and he has seen a new side of you and he has to process whether he can cope with any future incidents or not. For your part, you now know that he can’t cope well with your meltdowns so you need to think how that fits in with your future plans.
You say you need medication but are not on it yet. Maybe go to your GP and get the medicine you need and build yourself back up to a stable place . Possibly this relationship is too soon in your recovery but only you know the answer to that.
Good luck.
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